Hold on to Love Read online

  He was looking forward to a hot shower, getting out of his work clothes and into a warm sweater and a pair of loose sweatpants. It hadn’t snowed all morning but they were expecting snow in the late afternoon, so he couldn’t wait to slouch on the sofa in front of the fire, watch TV and drink a hot chocolate.

  Hopefully Nick would stay locked up in his room until dinnertime and wouldn’t annoy the living crap out of him like he always did; he’d only been home from college for two days and already Sean had had enough of his smartass attitude. He couldn’t wait for winter break to be over.

  He closed the door of the barn behind him, and when he turned, he froze in place as a vision he was sure was a figment of his imagination flashed in front of him. The rich color of her hair stood out from a white woolen beret against the white background of the snowy ground and trees, and she was wearing a white parka that made her almost blend in the wintry landscape like a chameleon—a beautiful and extremely sexy chameleon.

  He blinked once and brushed his gloved hand across his face; he was having a hallucination, it couldn’t be real. He took a couple of steps, and the sound of his boots crunching in the snow made her turn toward him. When she saw him, her whole face lit up and broke into the most beautiful smile he’d ever seen.

  He frowned, still wondering whether he was dreaming it all, but when she dropped her carry-on bag and broke into a run to him, flinging herself at him when she was within jumping distance, he knew it was all true.

  He staggered back when he caught her, and inhaled her familiar scent. Memories of their days together crawled back into his mind and his heart rate picked up.

  She was real.

  Her arms went around his neck and she looked at him, meeting his incredulous stare.

  “Hi,” she said with a smile, as if her being there was the most normal thing in the world.

  Sean found himself at a loss for words, too overwhelmed to say something, and still fearing that he would wake up and realize he was alone.

  “Are you going to say something?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

  Sean let out a chuckle. “I’m… I’m just a little dazed. I’m still trying to convince myself you’re not a trick of my mind.”

  “Here, I’ll prove it.” She took his face in her hands and pulled it toward her. When her lips pressed down on his, a shot of electricity went from his head down to his toes, and he knew right then she was as real as she could be.

  “Mmm… you taste too good to be a dream,” Sean said with a low moan. Alyssa giggled and pinched his cheeks with gloved fingers.

  He looked at her for a minute: she wore a light trace of gold makeup on her eyelids, and long jet-black lashes framed her beautiful green eyes. They were dark green now, like raw emeralds, like the Wyoming fields in summer, and the black pupils contrasted with the rich color of her irises, making him want to lose himself in their depths. He was mesmerized.

  The white woolen hat she was wearing made her look like a child, but at the same time she looked so sexy he had to remind himself it was too cold to drag her inside the barn and relive their last night together before she’d gone back to New York.

  “You’re beautiful,” he said, staring straight into her eyes. They twinkled like gems and her cheeks flushed a little at his comment.

  “And you’re really sexy, Cowboy,” she said with a naughty grin.

  Sean let out a hearty laugh and took her by the hand, tugging her behind him. “Let’s get inside now. The cold’s making you talk nonsense.”

  She chuckled and wrapped herself around his arm with her free hand, leaning in to kiss his cheek. The warmth of her lips seared his skin. This was better than any of the dreams he’d had over the past three months. She was real, she was in his arms, and suddenly he didn’t care about spending the rest of the afternoon on the couch with a hot chocolate. He’d be willing to stand outside in the cold all day if she only asked him to.

  “Hey.” He stopped when they reached the porch and he noticed her big suitcase sitting on the first step. “What happened to your plans of spending Christmas Eve with your family? Not that I’m complaining about having you here all for myself, but won’t your parents be upset you’re not there?”

  Alyssa shrugged and squeezed his hand. “In a way, I will be spending Christmas with my family. With my Wyoming family.”

  She blushed a little and fumbled with a lock of hair, twirling it around her index finger. His heart swelled at her words.

  “When I was here, I felt like I was at home; your parents made me feel welcome and part of your family. And, well, now we’re a couple… I’m sort of family, aren’t I?”

  He nodded, giving her a smile. “Well then, welcome home, City Girl.”

  He let go of her hand and picked up her suitcase, took the steps that led to the front door and opened the screen for her. This would be the best Christmas in years.

  As soon as she stepped through the front door, warm air filled with the mouth-watering scent of cinnamon cookies hit her, and she closed her eyes, inhaling it deeply. Her mother had never been one to cook much, let alone bake, so the only times she’d smelled anything similar in her house had been when her grandmother lived with them and she and Alyssa would make Christmas cookies.

  Sean stepped in right behind her and placed the suitcase on the floor, in the same spot where he had the first time she’d arrived. This time things were different, though. This time she wasn’t here on a temporary vacation; she was here to start a new life with the man she loved.

  “Do you want me to tell everyone, or would you like to surprise them?” Sean turned around and winked at her with a cheeky grin. Alyssa shook her head.

  “I think it’s better if you tell them first. I don’t want to see their faces when you tell them I’m here. It was a spur of the moment decision, but I’m starting to realize it’s a pretty rude thing to do: showing up uninvited, and on Christmas Eve.”

  He frowned. “Why? I’m sure my mom would be happy, and Tammy, well, I don’t need to tell you how high-pitched her squeals of joy will be.”

  She shrugged and fidgeted with the zipper of her parka. Sean took a step closer and put his hand on hers.

  “Alyssa,” he said, his tone deep and gravelly. “You don’t have to worry about my family kicking you out in the snow. But even if they did,” he tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and smiled at her, “they wouldn’t keep me away from you. I’d keep you captive in the log cabin where nobody would come looking for us. We could spend Christmas day snuggled up by the fire.”

  Alyssa let out a quiet chuckle. “I’d actually love that. Can we do it?”

  Sean placed a soft kiss on her lips and one on the tip of her nose. He shook his head and smirked when she let out an annoyed whine.

  “I’ll go break the news now. Go into the living room, make yourself comfortable.”

  “I’ll wait here, thank you,” she said with a shy smile. He shrugged and went down the corridor into the kitchen, where she knew his mother would be.

  He left the door open behind him, and she could hear the conversation coming out of the room. Hopefully his mother wouldn’t be mad at her for showing up uninvited. She’d thought it would be nice to surprise Sean and Tammy, but she hadn’t thought about the rest of his family. After all, they didn’t know about her and Sean; to them she was only a paying guest who’d spent some time at their ranch and had enjoyed her stay. Showing up uninvited could look pretty rude.

  Her heart thumped wildly in her chest when Sean told his mother they had a guest. Alyssa closed her eyes, holding her breath for a moment.

  “What? But we are closed at Christmas! Why didn’t they call us before coming here?” Mrs. Maclaine said in a tone that shifted swiftly from shocked to annoyed. Great. “Why did you let them in, anyway? You know we don’t take guests over the Christmas holiday, not until New Year’s Eve anyway. I don’t have time to look after guests these days, with Nick home, and Andy and Reese coming over with the kids.”


  “I really want to take this guest, Mom.”

  Something clattered on the table, and a squeal followed immediately afterward. She smiled: Tammy.

  “Are you saying she’s here?” A second later she dashed out of the kitchen and ran toward Alyssa with open arms, squealing like a little child. Alyssa laughed when Tammy wrapped her arms around her and squeezed her, the squeals never fading.

  “You’re here, you’re here! This is such a great surprise,” Tammy said, almost breathless from the excitement. “You spending Christmas with us?”

  Alyssa nodded. Mrs. Maclaine came out of the kitchen, wearing her usual cotton apron and a smile that put Alyssa immediately at ease.

  “Alyssa. What a lovely surprise,” she said with genuine pleasure as she approached her.

  “How long are you staying?” Tammy asked in an excited tone, stepping in between Sean and Alyssa and linking arms with her. “Please say you’ll stay until New Year’s Eve. My friends are having a house party and I’d love to introduce you to everyone. Everyone envies my Prada bag, you know? My friend Laurann keeps asking me to borrow it, but she’ll have to walk over my dead body before I’ll let her even touch it.”

  Alyssa laughed; Tammy hadn’t changed one bit.

  “Hey, what’s goin’ on here? Can’t a poor guy take a peaceful nap… whoa!”

  A younger version of Sean with longer, mussed hair turned the corner of the corridor that led to the bedrooms and stopped mid-sentence and in mid-stretch when his ice-blue eyes landed on Alyssa.

  “Santa must’ve come early this year, or I must still be dreaming. Where have you been hiding all these years, honey?” He brought a hand to his heart and Alyssa couldn’t help but chuckle a little, while Sean let out a loud grunt and stepped in, before the guy Alyssa understood must be his brother could take Alyssa’s hand.

  “She’s Alyssa, and she’s out of your league, Nick. Back off.”

  Nick glared at Sean and pretended he hadn’t heard him at all. “Well, brother dear, I think the lady can speak for herself, can’t she? I’m sure such a beautiful girl has a matching beautiful voice.”

  Tammy giggled. “You’d better listen to him and keep your hands to yourself, Nick. She’s way out of your league; in fact, she’s totally in Sean’s league at the moment.”

  A hot flush colored Alyssa’s neck and cheeks at Tammy’s remark. Sure, she knew they’d have to come clean now and tell everybody they were a couple if she was going to spend time with them, but she would’ve liked to say it in a little more tactful way.

  Mrs. Maclaine turned to stare from her son to Alyssa to Tammy in turn. When her eyes finally landed on Sean, he simply shrugged.

  Tammy rolled her eyes and took both Alyssa and Sean’s hands in hers, pulling them closer.

  “Sean and Alyssa are in love!” she said triumphantly, lifting their hands like a referee would do in a boxing match. Mrs. Maclaine let out a gasp, and brought a hand to her chest. When Alyssa dared to look up at her, she could swear Sean’s mother was on the verge of tears.

  “Why did nobody care to inform me?” she asked, looking at her son with a scolding glance.

  “Because we were trying to figure out how to make this work, with two thousand miles between us. Don’t freak out now, Ma.”

  Mrs. Maclaine took a step closer and cupped Sean’s cheek in a sweet, motherly way. Alyssa’s eyes filled with tears. She wished her own mother had reacted like that when Alyssa had told her about Sean. When Mrs. Maclaine turned to look at Alyssa, she was smiling broadly; a second later, Alyssa was wrapped in a hug that smelled of baking and vanilla, nothing like the expensive perfumes her mother used.

  “I guess now I understand why Sean has been acting so strangely over the last couple of months,” she said, giggling like a girl. “He looked as if he always had his head stuck in the clouds. I’ve never seen my boy like that, not with any of the girls he dated in the past.”

  “Go ahead, Ma; thank you very much. Why don’t you go show her my baby pictures, now? I’m sure you can’t wait to embarrass me even more.”

  “I can do that, if you want,” Nick said with a cheeky grin. “I know where she keeps ’em.”

  Sean glared at him. “Weren’t you taking a nap, Nick? Go back to your room and leave us alone now, will ya?”

  “Whoa, chill out, bro.” Nick raised his hands in a peace gesture. “Just wanted to be a good host.”

  “I’ll take care of her, don’t you worry. Now, just get out of the way. You’re getting on my nerves.”

  Nick shrugged, flashed a sexy smile complete with a wink to Alyssa and went back to his room. Alyssa chuckled. She was enjoying being part of this little family moment.

  Sean’s mother turned back to look at Alyssa, ignoring her sons’ banter; it was probably something she was well used to by now.

  “So, how long are you staying? We can have you settled in the Pine room again, if you’d like? All the rooms are empty; you can take your pick.”

  “The Pine room would be great, thank you.” Alyssa smiled. “I’m sorry I showed up unexpectedly; I know I should’ve called before coming here but I… well, I was in Cheyenne over the last few days and thought I’d—”

  “Cheyenne? What were you doing in Cheyenne?” Sean interrupted her. She gave him a sideways glance and noticed the frown on his face.

  “Um… yeah, well… I think we may have to talk about that, when you have a minute.”

  Sean’s brows came together. All of a sudden, Alyssa wondered whether this surprise had been a good idea at all.

  Mrs. Maclaine and Tammy exchanged glances. “Sean, why don’t you help Alyssa settle in and bring her suitcase to her room? I’m sure you guys will have a lot to catch up on, and Tammy and I need to get back to cooking.”

  “Oh, yeah. I bet they’re really looking forward to catching up.” Tammy giggled and deftly dodged her mother’s head slap, while running back into the kitchen.

  Sean picked up Alyssa’s suitcase and his other hand squeezed hers, leading her toward her room.

  Chapter 47

  “Okay, so, I did something crazy, and I’m not sure how you’ll react to this,” Alyssa said, once Sean had closed the door behind him. Now that they were alone and she was about to spill it, she was a little scared about how he would react.

  Sean grinned. “Well, I sure hope not in an I-enrolled-in-a-rodeo kind of crazy, ’cause in that case I definitely wouldn’t react well.”

  A little bit of tension left Alyssa’s shoulders; he was in a good mood, so maybe he wouldn’t kick her out. She shook her head and smiled nervously.

  “No, that would be a little too crazy, although I wouldn’t mind trying it; it could actually be fun. Maybe you could help me tick it off my bucket list sometime, now that we’re going to be neighbors.”

  Sean’s eyebrows shot up and his eyes widened. Alyssa wondered whether his reaction was due to the fact that she wanted to enroll in a rodeo or to the word “neighbors.”

  “Excuse me?” His bewildered tone made Alyssa’s skin crawl.

  She took a step closer to him, wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her cheek against his chest. She inhaled deeply, the musky scent she’d missed so much filling her senses, and decided to say it all in one breath—get it over with, just like removing a Band-Aid.

  “I quit my job, enrolled in veterinary college in Cheyenne and packed up my whole life in a truck that will deliver everything here after the holidays.”

  Through the thick sweater she felt his heart rate pick up, and a second later his hands were on her shoulders and he pushed her slightly back to stare her straight in the eyes.

  “You did what?”

  Something inside Alyssa cracked at the tone of his voice. Stupid as it might be, she hadn’t prepared herself for this kind of reaction. She’d expected him to be happy, to kiss her, to tell her how much he loved her for doing that, but none of the different scenarios included rejection.

  Alyssa broke eye contact, and stared at her feet, una
ble to hold his stare a second longer. Tears had already started stinging her eyes, and the last thing she needed was for him to see her cry. She should’ve talked with him about her idea before deciding to up and leave, showing up on his doorstep totally uninvited, and maybe even unwanted.

  She’d thought he’d be happy, but maybe he’d been happy to chat with her as long as she was miles away—maybe he didn’t want a relationship, after all. Or maybe her actions had annoyed him because her family money allowed her to move wherever she pleased while he had to struggle to earn a living and couldn’t afford to leave his family behind to be with the woman he loved? She should’ve known better.

  Not wanting to hear him say the actual words, she decided to backpedal, and try to save at least a bit of her pride.

  “I… um… I spent the last few days in Cheyenne, checking out apartments but I haven’t found the right one yet, so I had to give your address to the movers. I’ll be going back after the holidays and will look at more apartments, so you don’t have to worry about me staying here forever. I mean, I know it was kind of rude of me to show up uninvited and at Christmas on top of it all; but I had to come to Cheyenne to speak to the dean and start looking for apartments last week so I thought, well, I guessed it would be useless to go back to New York and come back after the holidays. I’m sorry, I should’ve called and let you know I’d be coming. I wanted to surprise you but now I understand it might look a bit rude of me to force myself into your family, especially at Christmas.”

  She took a step back, feeling the need to put distance between the two of them. She could feel the heat coming off him, the delicious heat that had kept her warm that last night in the barn. The memory hit her hard and she realized how stupid she’d been to believe this could actually work. Maybe her mother had been right; maybe turning her whole life upside-down for a man hadn’t been a smart idea.

  “I understand you want to spend Christmas with your family, though, you don’t have to worry about me. I’ll have a shower now, get changed and stay here in my room, maybe read a book or something. I’m actually quite tired and I could use a little sleep. And obviously I’ll pay for my stay; it’s not as if you need to look after me, or anything. You go ahead, have your Christmas dinner with your family. I’ll make myself comfortable and stay out of your way.”