Hold on to Love Read online

  Something resembling a light chuckle came from Sean’s chest, and when she looked up, there was a half-smirk on his face. She frowned.

  “Are you finished already?” he asked, in a serious tone.

  She nodded, unable to decode the expression on his face: his lips were slightly curling but he was fighting to remain serious. She wasn’t sure whether it was a good or a bad sign.

  “Good, ’cause I was starting to think the only way to make you shut up would be to strangle you. I didn’t really wanna do that, though.”

  Alyssa giggled despite the ugly fist of nervousness that was squeezing her stomach. Sean took her hands and pulled her a little closer, but she still wouldn’t look at him. His finger went under her chin and tilted it up.

  “If you’d just let me talk, instead of rambling on like a crazy woman without even pausing to take a breath, I would’ve told you your visit here was lousy timing. You see, I have two interviews scheduled after the holidays, but I suppose I’ll have to call them off since you’ve been organizing things behind my back. There’s no reason for me to go to New Jersey now, is there?”

  Alyssa let out a gasp and Sean smiled. “New Jersey? But what… How… Why…?” she stammered. Sean squeezed her hands a little and pulled her closer to him; there were only mere inches between their bodies now.

  “I’ve convinced my father to hire another person even for the winter months. I was going to go to the interviews and once I got the job, I’d tell him I was leaving. I know New Jersey isn’t New York, but I figured the commute to see each other would be easier.” He shrugged, as if he’d just told her something completely unimportant, while to her this was the most romantic and selfless display of love he could’ve come up with.

  “You mean you would’ve left your family and your ranch just to be closer to me?”

  Sean smiled and shook his head lightly. “Not to be closer to you, but to be with you. To spend the weekends with you, even just watching a movie sprawled on the couch, or strolling with you in Central Park. To be your boyfriend in the actual meaning of the word, not just a virtual boyfriend you see every night on Skype. I wanted to make you happy, and if that meant leaving it all behind, I would.”

  “Sean, I… I…” Alyssa let out a sob and flung herself at him, burying her face in his warm sweater.

  Sean wrapped his arms around her and kept her close to his chest, patting her back softly. She couldn’t believe he would’ve gone that far just to make her happy, just so she wouldn’t have to leave her family and life.

  “Baby, why are you crying now?” His soft, soothing tone caused another sob to escape her mouth.

  “Because… because…” she sniffled between sobs and felt like she was the biggest idiot that had ever existed.

  How could she have thought that he didn’t love her? She’d thought he was okay with being so far away from each other, that he didn’t want to find a solution because he didn’t really want to be in a real relationship, and here he was, planning to turn his whole life upside-down, leaving it all behind, even though he’d feel like a fish out of water in the city, just to be with her.

  “I love you, Sean. I love you so much. I can’t believe you’d do something so totally out of your comfort zone just for me.”

  “That’s because being apart these three months made me realize just how impossible living without you would be. Although I still can’t promise you wedding rings and happily-ever-afters, I do know that I want to make this work in any way I can.” He brushed a lock of hair off her cheek and tucked it behind her ear. The contact gave her goose bumps. “And if this means I have to move to the city, well, I’d be willing to do it. Just for you.”

  Alyssa smiled and took his face in her hands, losing herself in the blue depths of his eyes. “I don’t want to live in the city, Sean. I want to be here, with you. If you’ll have me, that is.”

  “Baby, of course I’ll have you—every inch of you,” he said in a low growl, nuzzling her nose, and placing a soft kiss on her lips. “Every inch of you,” he repeated against her mouth, before deepening the kiss in a way that made her toes curl. Man, she’d missed him.

  “Will you come have dinner with us, now? Or do you still want to stay in your room and read a book?” Sean asked with his forehead against hers once they came up for air. Alyssa smiled.

  “I’ll stay in my room only if you stay with me, Cowboy.”

  Sean laughed and shook his head, squeezing her in his strong arms. “It’s very inviting, but even though my parents are quite open-minded, I doubt they’d be happy to know we’re at it like rabbits while everyone else is having dinner.” He smacked her bottom and pulled back. “Don’t you worry, though; I’ll be sneaking inside your room when everyone else’s asleep and I’ll make it up to you. Go take a shower now. I’ll see you in a while.”

  He winked and opened the door, leaving her alone in the room with a pounding heart and a silly smile on her face.

  A Maclaines’ Christmas Eve dinner had always been a happy family moment Sean loved. While Christmas lunch would be a crowded event with relatives coming over, including Andy’s in-laws, Christmas Eve was something for their family only, ever since they were kids.

  He remembered how excited they were when Santa knocked on their door a minute after midnight every year, surprising them with presents, and how hard it had been when he’d grown up and realized it was their father underneath that costume. Even so, neither he nor Andy had ever spoiled it for Nick or Tammy after they’d discovered the truth. Once Tammy was old enough to discover the trick, the suit had been stored in the closet and this year their father had informed them he’d pull it out again for the twins; Andy’s kids were old enough now to understand who Santa was and he was excited to see their reaction.

  Even though he’d stopped believing in Santa Claus long ago, Sean couldn’t help thinking that he’d been granted a little Christmas miracle. Not only had Alyssa come to see him and spend Christmas with his family, but she was going to stay. Even if Cheyenne was more than three hundred miles away, she could always come home on the weekend, or he could drive down and stay with her. She wasn’t going to be two thousand miles away anymore.

  Four small hands clutching both his legs interrupted his musings, and he looked down to find two grinning devils looking up at him.

  “Hey, you,” he said, picking each of them up and tucking them under his arms. “I hear Santa’s been keeping an eye on ya, so you’d better be good tonight.”

  The twins giggled and wriggled, trying to get free. He tightened his grip and brought them toward the living room. Alyssa walked down the corridor at that same moment, and when she saw him, her face cracked into a smile. She was so beautiful he almost dropped the kids and ran toward her to crash his mouth on hers. He should definitely try to get a grip and stop acting like a hormonal teenager, especially with his whole family around. In all of his twenty-nine years he’d never felt that way.

  The kids noticed Alyssa approaching and froze, giving her a thorough look of appraisal.

  “Who’s she, Uncle Sean?” little Becky asked.

  “Yeah, who’s she?” her brother parroted, the way he always did.

  “She’s one of Santa’s elves checking on you,” Sean said, giving them both a shake. The twins giggled, and Alyssa grinned. She was gorgeous when she smiled.

  “No, elves are small, like children,” Becky said in a reprimanding tone and rolling her eyes.

  “Yeah, they’re small,” Jack emphasized.

  “Then she might be Mrs. Santa Claus.”

  Little Becky blew a raspberry with her lips. “Uncle Sean! Mrs. Santa Claus is oooold.”

  “Yeah, she’s oooold.”

  Sean looked at the two of them and couldn’t help smiling. They were such pests, but he loved them with all his heart. They were the most amazing kids he’d ever known.

  Alyssa came closer to them and crouched down to be level with the two children who were still hanging almost upside-down at Sean’s si
des.

  “I’m not an elf, nor Mrs. Santa Claus, you’re right,” she said in a sweet tone he’d never heard her use before. “But I do have Santa’s number on my phone, so if you’re nice tonight I’ll tell him to stop by and bring your presents.”

  “Who are you?” Becky asked, never a shy one.

  “Yeah, who are you?” Jack asked, staring at her with his big blue eyes.

  Sean poked his nephew in the ribs, where he knew he was most ticklish. “Can’t you just stop repeating everything your sister says, Jack?”

  Jack giggled and Alyssa smiled. “I’m Alyssa. And who are you?”

  “I’m Becky, and that’s my brother, Jack. We are twins. It means we were born on the same day.” Her grown-up tone made Sean smile.

  “That’s nice.” Alyssa stood up and met Sean’s eyes. “I bet you love giving your uncle a hard time, don’t you?”

  “You have no idea.” Sean rolled his eyes. Alyssa smiled sweetly at him and his heart filled with love.

  “Yeah, tell me about it, bro.” Andy walked out of the kitchen, and grinned when he saw the way his kids were pestering Sean as usual. “When we bring the kids here is the only time I manage to breathe. Hey, I’m Andy—the little devils’ father,” he said, extending his hand toward Alyssa. “You must be my little brother’s sweetheart, right?”

  “No, she’s Alyssa, Daddy,” Becky said, making everyone laugh.

  Alyssa took Andy’s hand and he pulled her in for a bear hug. Sean stiffened; even though it was his brother hugging her, he didn’t like the sight of another man’s arms around his girl.

  He put the twins down and took a step closer to her while the kids scurried away, screaming.

  “Welcome to the family, Alyssa,” Andy said, and released her from his grip. “I’m afraid I can’t say the usual I’ve-heard-so-much-about-you line, ’cause my brother took great care in keeping you a secret, but it’s great to meet you all the same.”

  Alyssa smiled and Sean noticed her rosy-colored cheeks. His family was going to give her a hard time, all right. Wait until she met Reese…

  “Here you are!”

  Speaking of the devil, Andy’s wife bustled out of the living room and seized Alyssa in a bear hug. Sean hung his head and smiled. Alyssa was doomed now, and so was he.

  “It’s so good to meet you. I couldn’t believe it when Isabel said Sean’s girlfriend would be having dinner with us. I mean, we didn’t even know he was dating someone, and Tammy said you’re from New York? It’s so great to have you here and I’m so happy I won’t be the only non-Maclaine member anymore. It’s wonderful to have someone to team up with against the Maclaine men at last.”

  “Honey, breathe, will ya?” Andy said, patting his wife’s back. She spun and gave him a hard glare.

  Alyssa chuckled, and Sean took advantage of Andy’s interruption to step in and save her from his sister-in-law’s claws. Reese was amazing, but she tended to go a little over the top at times. He wrapped an arm around Alyssa’s waist in a protective way. Andy smirked but Sean didn’t care. His brother could make fun of him all he wanted—Alyssa was worth every stupid remark and tease from him.

  “Dinner’s ready, everyone!” Tammy called from the kitchen, so they all walked down the corridor, Sean and Alyssa holding hands.

  Chapter 48

  The twins’ eyelids started to droop shortly after ten, and Sean’s father disappeared. When five minutes later a knock came on the door, everyone started to shout excitedly, and the twins woke up, fully aware of what was going on. They rushed to the door and yanked it open, letting out squeals when Santa Claus came in.

  A knot formed in Alyssa’s throat; nobody had ever bothered putting on a masquerade for her or Derek when they were little. They would get up in the morning and find lots of beautiful presents under the tree or in their stockings, but without all the fuss of Santa Claus coming in to visit.

  After Mr. Maclaine, or actually, Santa, had emptied his bag, he disappeared into the night, reminding the twins to be good or he’d take all the presents back. Mrs. Maclaine entered the room holding a bag with presents for the grown-ups and everyone started exchanging gifts.

  Sean turned to Alyssa and gave her a sorry glance. “I couriered your present to New York a few days ago,” he said, staring at his clasped hands. “I’m sorry you didn’t get it.”

  “Who said I didn’t get it?” Alyssa smiled and took his hands. “FedEx called me when they couldn’t find me in New York, so I had them deliver it to my hotel in Cheyenne.”

  Sean’s face brightened. “Really?”

  She nodded. “It’s in my suitcase. I thought I’d open it with you, later on tonight.” He gave her a quick peck and she smiled at his sudden shyness. “Besides, I thought I heard you promise me you’d sneak into my bedroom once everyone was asleep. You didn’t think I’d forget, did you?”

  He let out a low chuckle, making her insides twist; she loved the low rumble of his laughter, especially now that she could hear it up close again.

  Once everyone had opened their presents and the twins had run out of energy, Andy and Reese decided it was time to leave. They’d be back for the big family lunch the following day, together with Reese’s family, so there were no big goodbyes or hugs. A simple “see ya later” and they were gone, causing the rest of the family to stand up from their seats and get ready for bed, too.

  “Just so you know, my room is right across from Sean’s,” Nick told Alyssa with a wink, “So if you happen to go visit my brother during the night, try to keep it low. I’m a light sleeper, ya know.”

  Alyssa’s face turned various shades of crimson but before she could say anything to that, a head slap had reached Nick. He turned and glared at Tammy, who stuck her tongue out at him in response.

  “Stop being such a dumbhead, Nick. Leave her alone, if you don’t want Sean to kick your ass.”

  “Thanks for the advice, Flea. I’ll keep that in mind.” He dodged another head slap and left the room chuckling until he was out of earshot. Alyssa looked at Tammy with a smile.

  “Flea?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. Tammy rolled her eyes.

  “Please, don’t get me started on that. He always calls me that when he wants to piss me off.” She puffed her cheeks out in exasperation. “I can’t wait for winter break to be over, so he gets back to Cheyenne and out of my hair. Now you know why Sean’s my favorite, right?”

  “I’m your favorite what?” Sean wrapped his arms around Alyssa’s waist and placed a soft kiss on the side of her neck. Somehow, the intimate gesture didn’t feel so out of place, even though his parents could walk into the room any time. Alyssa had never felt so loved in her whole life and this public display of affection didn’t feel wrong at all.

  “Brother, of course. Nick’s already getting on my last nerve, and he’s only been here for two days. I can’t wait to get rid of him.”

  Sean laughed; with his chest against her back, the laughter reverberated through Alyssa’s body, making her belly tingle. She couldn’t wait for everyone to go to bed so that they could be alone at last.

  “Yeah, well, sorry to rain on your parade, Tammy, but you do remember he’s in his last year, right? He’ll probably be home for good in August, unless he decides to pursue his masters.” He placed another soft kiss on the side of Alyssa’s neck and she could take it no longer; the burning inside her belly was threatening to tear her apart.

  Tammy must have noticed the expression on Alyssa’s face or somehow sensed the way she was feeling, because she let the subject drop and gave her a knowing smile that made Alyssa blush a little.

  “Well, I guess I’ll go to bed now,” she said with a big, and totally fake, yawn. “Have a good night.”

  She winked at Alyssa and turned around, leaving them alone in the big, cozy living room. Sean nuzzled her neck and spun her around.

  “How about we go open that present now?” he asked in a low, husky voice. Alyssa smiled and nodded, while she wondered whether he was still referrin
g to the actual present he’d sent her. The thought that he might be implying something else gave her goose bumps and she took big strides toward her room, needing to be alone with him at last behind a locked door.

  “Sean, it’s… it’s… it’s gorgeous,” Alyssa said, holding the red velvet box in one hand and delicately caressing the heart-shaped charm with a finger.

  He’d driven all the way to Cheyenne to find something that could be good enough for her. Tammy had gone with him on the expedition and they’d browsed a few good shops before they’d found the perfect present that he could also afford.

  As soon as he’d seen it in the shop window, he’d thought of Alyssa; the green emeralds that encrusted one of the two heart-shaped charms had reminded him of her eyes, and Tammy had patted his shoulder approvingly, commending him on his choice. From the way Alyssa was staring at it now, he was pretty sure he’d picked the right one.

  “Do you really like it?” he asked, nevertheless. He was sure it was nothing like the jewelry she was used to receiving. “Because if you don’t, we can go to Cheyenne and find something else you’ll like better. I mean, I thought—”

  “It’s perfect, Sean. I don’t think I’ve ever received anything more beautiful than this.” Her smile was genuine and it reached all the way to her eyes, making them sparkle in the dim light of the bedside lamp. “In spite of your scarce knowledge of everything fashion, I have to say you have pretty good taste.”

  He hung his head and let out a laugh. “Well, I’m trying to shed my skin of dumb countryman and be a better man for you, something a little more civilized, closer to the kind of guys you’re used to.”