Hold on to Love Read online

  Their lips met again and no more words were needed as they let their bodies take over and prove how much they truly loved each other.

  “I wish you didn’t have to leave so soon,” he said with his face buried in her hair. “We’ve wasted so many hours. I feel I haven’t spent just enough time with you.”

  “Yes, and whose fault was it?” she asked in a reprimanding tone. He let out a laugh and kissed her temple.

  “It wasn’t totally my fault. Besides, I had my reasons.”

  “No, you had your prejudices—there’s a difference.” She smirked and tapped his nose with a finger.

  He let out an exaggerated sigh. “Man, what was I thinking, falling for a lawyer? You’re a precision freak who always has to have the last word, aren’t you?”

  Alyssa laughed and rolled off him, snuggling into him immediately afterward. “I’m an attorney and yes, I always have the last word so you’re hopeless—it’s a no-win situation, Cowboy.”

  “As long as I get you as the consolation prize, I don’t mind losing at all.”

  His lips found hers in the dark, and the banter was immediately forgotten. They couldn’t afford to waste another second now that they only had a few hours left. It seemed as if time was slipping through his fingers, as if his whole life and future were being ripped from him.

  He couldn’t imagine what his life without her would be like, now that he knew how it felt to really love someone. He enjoyed having her around, showing her things, stealing a kiss when his family wasn’t looking, and seeing the amazement on her face for every new little thing she discovered. His heart warmed up every time she smiled, and his stomach twisted in lovesick knots whenever their eyes met.

  He was still trying to wrap his head around it, but he had no doubt that what he felt was love—the kind of love that would leave him feeling heartbroken and miserable the moment she walked out of his life.

  “Stay with me,” he whispered against her ear, his face buried in her hair. The warm breath in her ear made her quiver, and he brushed her arm to keep her warm underneath the blanket.

  “I know I told you I’ve got nothing to offer if you stay, but I’ve changed my mind. Forget your fancy life in New York and stay here. I can teach you how to become a real cowgirl and soon you won’t even remember what it’s like to live in a city. I just… I don’t want to be away from you.”

  Alyssa giggled, and turned her face toward him, her nose brushing his. She placed a soft kiss on his lips and let out a long sigh.

  “You make it sound so easy…”

  “It’s not so hard, Alyssa,” he said softly. “If you’re not happy with the life you’re living in New York, then you should do something to change it. You were the one contemplating jumping off a skyscraper, not me. I may not be living the dream I had once, but I’m happy with my life here at the ranch. I wouldn’t want it to be any different. Plus, I get to sleep with so many beautiful women from the city… Hoomph!” Sean wheezed when Alyssa kneed him right below the belt.

  “You were saying?” she asked with a smirk as he gasped for air.

  “Dang it, woman; you know I was kidding,” he said through gritted teeth, taking a lungful of air to stifle the pain as if he were in labor. She was all cute and cuddly, but man, could she be dangerous when she wanted.

  “I wasn’t sure, so I thought I’d make sure you know not to mess with me.” She winked then kissed him softly.

  Once the pain subsided, he wrapped his arm around her waist and hoisted her back on top of him.

  “And what if I wanted to mess with you?” he asked with an impish grin. He took her face in his hands, and kissed her passionately, hungrily, as if his whole life depended on it. “I love you, Alyssa. Even though you nearly castrated me a moment ago,” he said softly, his thumbs brushing her cheeks, “I still love you.”

  He rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. “I’ll say it a million times, if you want me to. I never fell so hard and fast for anyone else before, but I know this feeling burning my insides is true. What we have goes way beyond a summer fling; it’s nothing like anything I’ve ever felt in my life. I know I’ll be heartbroken when you leave.”

  “Me too. I just can’t make myself leave you.”

  She rested her cheek on his chest, and he thought he could feel the moisture from her eyes on his skin. He squeezed her a bit tighter and stroked her back, feeling her shiver with every touch.

  “Maybe we could try to figure it out somehow, find you a job as an attorney in Lander or any of the big towns around here. I promise I won’t be grumpy and rough anymore.”

  Alyssa shrugged. “I don’t mind grumpy Sean; he can be cute when he wants.”

  Sean laughed and pulled her back to his chest. He couldn’t bear for her to be farther than two inches away from him.

  “It actually sounds very inviting, but it’s not so easy for me to just up and leave. My parents would go mental and, like you said, we don’t live in a fairy tale.”

  “No, we don’t.” He closed his eyes as a knot formed in his throat.

  He could never ask her to leave her world behind because of him and the final realization crushed his heart. No matter how much he loved her, they could never be. It had all been a wonderful dream and in a matter of hours it’d be over.

  When her lips found his again he decided if nothing else, he would at least enjoy this dream till the very last minute as he lost himself in the softness of her lips and the silkiness of her body.

  Chapter 31

  Lying in Sean’s arms was both soothing and heartbreaking. In only a few hours she’d already gotten used to the amazing feel of his strong arms around her; she felt safe, warm and loved when she was snuggled into him, her head on his chest.

  The thought of leaving in the morning made her throat constrict. She couldn’t bear to be away from him, but how was she going to tell her parents, especially her mother, that she wanted to move to Wyoming to be with a man she barely knew? Sure, their feelings were strong and she couldn’t imagine ever loving anyone else the way she loved Sean but she couldn’t help wondering whether this strong attraction and chemistry between them wasn’t due to the fact that they’d both known from the start she’d be leaving at some point.

  Would things be just as exciting, would their feeling run just as deep if she stayed here? Or was the thought of not having her around the only reason that had made Sean relent at the cabin the day before?

  “Do you think we’ll be able to make things work?” she asked, letting those nagging doubts get the upper hand. She couldn’t believe she’d been mistaken about him, but this all felt too good to be true, and nothing she’d ever dreamed of had ever come true in her life. She couldn’t help waiting for the bubble to burst in her face at any time.

  “Honestly? I have no idea. I’ve never had a long-distance relationship before; the farthest a girlfriend lived was Dubois, ten miles from here.” He pulled her closer to him, but she suddenly felt cold and lonely; he didn’t seem too set on making things work after all. “But I want to make this work somehow. I guess we only need time to figure out how. Do you think you’ll be able to take more days off to come back here for a quick visit?”

  Alyssa let out a sigh. She’d been away three weeks already, and she’d only managed to get away with it because of her family name. She highly doubted she’d be able to get any more days off at least until Christmas.

  “I don’t think so. Maybe I could get a few days off between Christmas and New Year’s Eve but not before.” She squeezed her arms around his waist. She wasn’t going to be able to wait that long to see him again. “What about you? Can’t you come over to New York for a few days?”

  “There’s no such thing as a day off for me, unless we hire a temp to help my father. I can’t leave him alone to take care of the ranch; he’s too old for that,” he said, sounding slightly defeated. “But if you could come over again for Christmas, maybe…” He trailed off, and Alyssa could tell he was just about to giv
e up on them already. This was it, then; the other shoe was about to drop and she was sure that once she was out of his ranch, she’d be out of his heart too.

  She felt stupid for practically forcing herself on him and ashamed of her bold behavior at the cabin. She should’ve spared herself the embarrassment; she should’ve kept her distance and acted as if his proximity didn’t affect her in the least. She would’ve gone home with an intact heart. Now the memory of his skin, his touch, and his kiss would be all she’d be left with while she was nursing the heartbreak back in her luxurious apartment in Manhattan, alone and depressed.

  She should act like a grown-up woman and simply accept that this had been nothing but a nice way of enjoying her vacation, just like all her friends did. Sleep with the hunk at the resort, have fun while you’re there, and then go home and move on.

  Problem was, she would never be able to move on because Sean was more than a summer fling.

  Her grandmother used to tell her once she’d found the one, she would have to hold on to him, no matter the obstacles she’d find on the way. Love was the only thing worth holding on to in life; when the world around her would crumble, she should always hold on to love—it would be the only thing that would keep her going.

  Alyssa knew right then her grandmother had been right. Sean was the only person in her life she would ever want to hold on to.

  She wasn’t happy in New York. All her life she’d had to worry about what her mother would think or what people would say, but these three weeks she’d experienced real freedom. She’d had a taste of what she could have been—of what she could be, if only she had the guts to leave it all behind.

  Would it be so hard? Was she too chicken to confront her mother and tell her face to face that she hated her job and she had fallen in love with a cowboy from Wyoming?

  Yes, she was too scared of her mother’s reaction to even imagine opening her heart to her. The realization that this was all hopeless hit her hard, causing her whole body to shudder. Sean squeezed her tighter, probably thinking she was cold, but the safety of his arms made her heart ache even more.

  “I can’t do this, I’m sorry. I just…”

  She broke free of his grasp and sat up, feeling the need to put some distance between them. The dream had come to an end, just like her vacation, and she’d better go back to her room now, cry her heart out with her head buried in her pillow, and wait for the morning light to write the words The End in the beautiful novel she’d been living. No reason in delaying the inevitable heartbreak to keep living in a dream.

  She took her clothes scattered on the hay and put her sweater on. When she stood up, he bolted upright and grabbed her wrist before she could move away. His fingers seared her skin.

  “What’s wrong?” His tone was wary and sad at the same time. “Why are you going away?”

  He tugged gently on her wrist and pulled her back down onto the haystack. She didn’t resist and plopped down with him; she wasn’t strong enough to act like a grown-up woman and simply walk away. His arms went around her and pulled her into him.

  “I don’t want to leave you; I don’t want us to be over,” she whined as soon as her head was back on his chest.

  “I know, neither do I. This thing all happened so quickly I think we’re still a little dazed. Maybe being apart will do us good. It’ll make us understand how we really feel,” he said, placing a soft kiss on her temple. “What I’m trying to say is that… well, I think fate brought you here for a reason. If we’re meant to be together, then I guess fate will bring us together again.” He gave her a gentle squeeze and Alyssa wrapped her arm around his waist, pulling herself closer, as if she wanted to melt into him. “Aren’t you one of those girls who believes in Prince Charming?”

  Alyssa laughed and reckoned he had a point. Maybe, once she was back in New York, she’d be able to come up with a way of breaking free from her old life and come back to him. Or maybe he’d hire someone to help his father and move to New York to be with her. Either way, deep down in her heart she was sure they’d be with each other again very soon.

  “And what if you meet someone else in the meantime? What if you don’t feel the same as you do now?” Her voice trembled as a hint of desperation crept up her throat.

  He rested his chin on her head, and she squeezed her arms even tighter around his body, as if her life depended on him—and maybe, in a way it did.

  “I doubt it could ever happen. No one would ever make me feel the way you do, City Girl. You drive me crazy at times, but not always in a bad way.” He chuckled when she pinched his hip. “I should be the one worrying about you finding somebody else, someone who could offer you all the things I could never offer you,” he said against the crown of her head, his warm breath soothing her troubled heart.

  “Nobody could ever offer me the kind of love you’ve offered me, and this is all I care about. I love you so much, Sean; not even all the diamonds in the world could change this.”

  He stroked her back gently and she relaxed against his body, hoping it would be enough to remember the feeling even when she’d be gone.

  A few moments passed and they lay in each other’s arms in silence, lost in a world of their own. It wasn’t until Sean’s breathing grew shallower that she realized it was time for them to return to reality.

  “I think it’s time we went to bed now,” Alyssa whispered against his ear. His eyes fluttered open and in the dim light she caught a smirk on his face. “To our separate beds,” she emphasized.

  He kissed the tip of her nose and her heart danced in her chest at the sweet gesture. She felt like a dreamy teenager all over again.

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you to the airport?” he asked. Alyssa shook her head.

  “I hate goodbyes, and airports make things even harder. I’d rather say goodbye from a taxi.”

  “But it would mean we’d have a few hours to ourselves…” He tried to object, but she shook her head again.

  “I wouldn’t be able to walk through the gate if I saw you there. It would be heartbreaking.”

  She placed a soft kiss on his cheek, loving the way his stubble tickled her lips every time she kissed his face. She sat up, handing Sean his clothes. She didn’t want to talk about saying goodbye. She wanted her last memories of their time together to be happy ones, not tears and heart-shattering farewells.

  Sean got dressed, and when he stood up and offered her his hand she smiled and took it, letting him pull her to his chest once more. The thought that by this time tomorrow there would be two thousand miles between them made her heart sink to the darkest pits of hell. He was a part of her already, the happiest and most careless part of her soul. How could anyone live if their soul had been torn apart?

  A soft kiss on her lips brought her back, and as he spun her around and pushed her toward the door, she knew this was love.

  Tammy woke up with a start after dreaming she’d gone to visit Alyssa in New York and had fallen off a skyscraper. Her brow was covered in sweat, and her mouth was parched. She kicked off her blanket and padded in the dark toward the kitchen to get some water.

  She gulped down two glasses of water, and as she closed the tap some movement outside in the backyard caught her eye. She looked out the window above the sink, and blinked twice when she saw Sean and Alyssa coming out of the barn. Maybe she was still asleep?

  She hated spying on her brother but she couldn’t tear her eyes away. Sean had an arm wrapped around Alyssa’s shoulder, and she was leaning into him against his chest. He said something in her ear and she smacked his arm, laughed and pulled away. Sean grabbed her hand and pulled her back into him, stroked her cheek and dipped his head to kiss her.

  Ho-ly cow. He kissed her.

  Tammy let out a gasp as she stared at Alyssa looping her arms around his neck while Sean pulled her up to be level with her.

  When had things changed so drastically? Tammy had noticed Sean had softened his attitude toward Alyssa, that they’d even become
friends at some point, and she’d been happy about this. She had always been sure they’d get on well, if only they stopped fighting over silly things and if only her brother would stop acting like a rough cowboy; she had been right after all. Once Sean had gotten over his prejudices and had given Alyssa a chance, he had found what Tammy had known all along: Alyssa wasn’t like Bethany at all.

  But she’d missed the point when they’d gone from friendly to intimate.

  What would this mean?

  Although she was happy to see Sean so happy, and she really liked Alyssa like she was the big sister she’d never had, she knew they could never be together living so far away from each other. One of them would have to move—what if it were Sean who decided to leave? What would she do without her brother?

  She had always been very jealous of Sean, and she had always worried about who he would end up marrying; she had never cared about whom Andy or Nick dated, as long as they left her alone, but with Sean it had always been different. He had always been her favorite and she was scared that he would marry a girl who would take him away from her, who would want exclusive rights on him and she would lose her beloved brother.

  Next year Nick would be finished with college, and unless he went on to get his masters, he’d come back to live at home with them. He was fun at times, but he wasn’t Sean.

  What would her life be without Sean? Nick could be such an idiot when he wanted to annoy her, and she wasn’t sure she’d be able to endure him without Sean protecting her.

  She stared at her brother from the dark kitchen, sure he wouldn’t see her even if he looked—although he didn’t seem to want to look anywhere else but at Alyssa.

  She’d never seen that look on Sean’s face. The smile that split his cheeks shone brighter than the full moon up in the sky. Alyssa made him happier than he’d been in years. Even so, she didn’t want Sean to leave them because of Alyssa. She really liked her, but Tammy needed her brother to stay where he was, where he belonged. There had to be a way for her brother to be happy with Alyssa without leaving Wind Creek.