Hold on to Love Read online

  “I’m not giving up, I’m just… I’m being realistic. I know how you girls love believing in fairy tales and Prince Charming, but we both know life isn’t a fairy tale. There’s no point in rushing things and planning a happy ending already; let’s take it one day at a time and see if we can make this work.”

  “If we can make this work?”

  “You know what I meant,” he said, stifling the urge to roll his eyes. She was starting to get on his nerves now; he was trying to open his heart to her and here she was, turning every word he said into something he hadn’t meant.

  “I don’t think I do; you didn’t look as if you were afraid to rush things in the cabin, though. But maybe I’m just being the stupid, dreamy girl who fell for the handsome countryman thinking he was Prince Charming, exactly like my friends who slept with the personal trainer or the dance teacher at the resorts where they went on vacation, right? Just sex, no strings attached. How naïve of me to think it actually meant more to you.”

  She pulled her hand free and moved away from him. Her words were like daggers through his heart, and he grabbed her arm, spinning her back.

  “Alyssa, please, stop being such a pain. You know it was more than just sex to me, just like it was to you. Do you think I’m okay with you leaving in two days? I wish I could lock you up in this room and never let you go back to New York.”

  He lifted his hand and brushed a finger across her cheek. He watched her close her eyes and lean into his touch, and his heart filled with love and hurt at the same time.

  “I want to make this work, but I have to accept that my wanting it cannot be enough. As much as I want, I can’t give you what you deserve. I’ll never measure up with the guys you used to date; I’ll never be able to offer you anything but my love, and it would be selfish of me to want this kind of life for you just because I know I’ll be heartbroken the moment you leave.”

  She opened her eyes, and he saw they sparkled with unshed tears.

  “I don’t want you to measure up with anyone because all I need is to feel the way I felt this afternoon, when I was in your arms.” She smiled and took his face in her hands, staring straight into his eyes. “I love you, Sean. I don’t care if it’s too soon to say it or you don’t feel the same. I want you to know I’ll do anything to make this thing work, no matter what it takes. But I need to be sure I won’t be fighting for some kind of unrequited love. I need to know it wasn’t just a pleasant way of entertaining a guest while waiting for the rain to stop.”

  Sean rested his forehead against hers and let out a sigh. He knew it was crazy, but it was exactly how he felt too—he’d felt it at the cabin while she was in his arms, and he felt it now, only much stronger.

  “I love you, too. I have no idea how it happened or how it’s even possible to fall so fast for someone, but it’s just the way it is.” He pulled back a little, and kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose and finally her lips. “You’re used to living in a dream world where you can always get what you want, but I’ve grown used to the fact that no matter how hard you try, things don’t always go the way you want them to. I try to keep my feet on the ground and face the reality. I’m sorry for being so blunt, but I just didn’t want to delude you.”

  “I’d rather be deluded than heartbroken.” She pulled away and he didn’t resist, knowing she needed some space. “You’d better get out now, before someone finds you here. And I have to wash my face if I don’t want your family to wonder why my eyes are red and puffy.”

  “You’re beautiful,” he said, smiling.

  She made a face.“You’re an awful liar; don’t play poker.”

  He laughed and bent in to kiss her, but she moved away. “Get out,” she said firmly, but still gently. “I don’t want to be late for dinner.”

  He nodded and looked at her for a moment, before she opened the door and ushered him out.

  Chapter 29

  Alyssa got out of the shower the following morning, and as she put on body lotion, she remembered Sean’s hands on her skin, and butterflies fluttered around in her belly.

  Last night at dinner she’d tried to act as if nothing had happened, but she’d managed to steal a few glances at Sean and he’d either smirked or winked when he was sure nobody was looking.

  After dinner she’d gone back to her room and had lain on the bed staring at the ceiling, reliving the afternoon they’d spent together. She couldn’t remember ever feeling so happy—not even her first kiss had left her feeling so weightless and dreamy.

  She wondered how she was ever going to pretend for a whole day that nothing had happened, when she’d barely restrained herself from kissing him when seated across the table.

  She needed to see him.

  They only had twenty-four hours left and she didn’t want to waste a minute; she needed to stock up on memories with him for when she’d be back in New York.

  She got dressed, stopped in the kitchen for a quick breakfast, and fifteen minutes later she was walking toward the barn where she knew she’d find him.

  “Morning, Cowboy.”

  Sean turned back, and his face lit up when he saw Alyssa smiling warmly at him. She took a step and bent down to place a quick kiss on his lips.

  “Don’t worry,” she whispered in his ear, “I double-checked to make sure nobody was around.”

  He smiled and took her face in his hands.

  “Good to know,” he said with a naughty grin before claiming her lips in a breathtaking kiss. When she pulled back he was staring at her with hooded eyes.

  “What?” she asked, feeling a little self-conscious.

  He shrugged. “Nothing. I’m just… you’re so beautiful, I can’t keep my eyes off you.” She gave him a sheepish smile and turned away.

  “What’re you up to today?” he asked, and Alyssa was glad for the change of subject.

  “If I help you finish whatever it is you’re doing,” she said, arching an eyebrow, “would you go for a ride with me?”

  He looked at her, an amused smile playing on his face.

  “What?” she asked, annoyed by his expression. “If I remember well, the last time I went riding by myself you almost bit my head off when you found me.”

  “Yeah, I remember that,” Sean said, looking down. “Well, I’d love to go riding with you but… I’ve got a lot of things to do today. I can’t leave like that.”

  “But we won’t be away long,” she said, whining like a child. “I promise I’ll help you when we come back. Please Sean; I’ll never have the chance to go riding again once I’m back in New York, not in the fields anyway.”

  “I understand that, but I have things to do…”

  “Go on, Son. I can take care of this for a while.”

  Sean and Alyssa gave a start when Sean’s father walked in.

  “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I heard Alyssa wants to go for a ride, so you should go with her. We sure don’t want her to get lost on her last day, do we?”

  Sean shrugged, pretending he didn’t care. She knew he was trying to act as if going with her would be a real sacrifice, something he didn’t really feel like doing but he’d have to for the sake of their business. He was a much better actor than she was.

  “Right, I’ll go. But I need to finish this first, okay?” he asked, looking at Alyssa. She nodded.

  “Can I help at all?”

  He smiled, shaking his head. “I’m fine. Besides, it’d take twice the time if you helped.”

  She pouted and Sean’s father let out a chuckle.

  “Go sit on the swing and carry on reading about your vampires until I’m finished here,” he said with a smirk, and Alyssa gave him a glare in return. He’d kept teasing her about it ever since she’d admitted to reading a book for teenagers and about vegetarian vampires on top of it all.

  Half an hour later, Sean and Alyssa were riding through the fields in silence, both of them knowing this would be their last day together, their last few hours to be with each other before the dream would
be over.

  When they were far enough from the ranch, Alyssa pulled the reins and stopped. Sean noticed and followed suit, turning to face her.

  “You want to stop here?”

  Alyssa shrugged and turned the horse around in a circle, looking at the familiar landscape.

  “This is where you almost bit my head off, the time I went horse-riding on my own,” she said with a slight smirk. He laughed and led the horse closer to her.

  “How long are you going to bring that up for, again?” he asked in a sour tone, but with a half-grin. “What should I do now, get on one knee and beg for forgiveness?”

  “I guess that wouldn’t hurt.” She arched an eyebrow. “Apart from your ego, of course.”

  Sean’s arm snaked around her waist so suddenly she didn’t even have time to pull back; a moment later she’d been hoisted up in the air and was sitting sideways on Sean’s horse.

  She giggled and looped her arms around his neck, staring into his piercing blue eyes with an impish grin plastered on her face.

  “You’re a little rough this morning, Cowboy,” she said, huskily.

  Sean smiled. “That I am. Don’t forget you’re dealing with a pigheaded and gruff cowboy here,” he said as he nuzzled her neck. “But I’m sure that’s one of the reasons why you like me, don’t you? Because I’m nothing like those stiff lawyers in Armani suits you’re so used to.”

  Alyssa giggled again. “Are you going to kidnap me and ride away with me into the sunset?”

  “Mmm… maybe.”

  “I like that,” Alyssa said, her fingers gently caressing the back of his neck. He squirmed slightly on the saddle.

  “And I like you,” he said, inches away from her lips.

  The warm breath on her face caused her heart to start racing, and she pulled his face closer until her lips met his. The kiss started out slow and gentle, but it quickly turned passionate. When Sean pulled back to catch a breath, he stared at her from under his lashes before placing a soft kiss on the tip of her nose.

  “I thought you wanted to go riding?” He raised an eyebrow, a half-smile curling his lips. “We haven’t been out for ten minutes and you’ve already stopped and tried to seduce me.”

  “I wanted to be alone with you; riding seemed like a good excuse.” She lifted her shoulder in a nonchalant shrug.

  “Naughty girl,” Sean said as he nuzzled her neck. This time she was the one squirming on the saddle at the touch of his warm lips on the soft skin just below her ear.

  “I think I’m going to fall off the horse and break my neck if you don’t stop,” she said, feeling a little dizzy. Sean pulled back and looked at her with a mock pout. “But if we get off and sit in that inviting meadow, you can carry on all you like.”

  Sean laughed and placed one last kiss on her lips before deftly dismounting. He reached for Alyssa and pulled her off the horse with his hands on her hips. When she was safely on her feet, he took the reins of both horses and secured them around a low branch of a nearby oak tree.

  Alyssa spread the blanket Sean had snatched last minute from the swing on the back porch on a patch of soft, green grass in the sun. She sat down and closed her eyes, letting the rays warm her face. She opened them again when two strong arms pulled her against a rock-hard chest.

  “Hi,” he said in a low, hoarse tone, when their eyes met.

  “Hi yourself.”

  He smiled and brushed a lock of hair behind her ear; his fingers trailed along her jaw and she closed her eyes, enjoying these last precious moments with him.

  “Don’t fall asleep on me now,” he whispered, his lips brushing her cheek. She giggled and her eyes fluttered open.

  “I wasn’t going to fall asleep; not while you keep searing my skin with your touch.”

  His eyes twinkled with amusement. “Do I?” he asked. Alyssa nodded. “Well, then maybe I should stop. I don’t want to hurt you.”

  Sean lowered his hand but Alyssa grabbed it and put it back on her cheek. He smiled.

  “Please, don’t stop.”

  Sean nodded, and his hand moved from her cheek to the back of her neck. His fingers raked through her hair, and she couldn’t take it any longer. She needed to feel his lips on hers.

  She slowly laid back, her hands fisted in his sweater, pulling him down with her. He didn’t offer any resistance and followed her to the ground, supporting his weight on his elbows.

  They stared at each other for what seemed like hours, their eyes conveying the feelings words couldn’t express. Alyssa knew at that very moment that this was what love was all about: the incapability of being away from the other for even one minute; the need for the other’s touch and kiss; the simple beauty of just lying on the grass and staring into each other’s eyes as if nothing else mattered.

  And right then nothing else did; it was just the two of them, wrapped up in a bubble where nothing could ever tear them apart. A bomb could go off, the sky could fall, but she wouldn’t even notice as long as Sean kept looking at her like that, as if she were the only woman in the whole world.

  She’d had guys paying compliments to her in the past—her grandmother used to say she’d taken the good looks from her Irish side—but she’d never really cared much about it, and had never considered herself anything more than an ordinary-looking girl. Now, though, every time Sean told her she was beautiful, she got a flutter in her chest, and she’d started to really feel beautiful inside and out just from the way he stared at her.

  “You’re quiet,” he said, softly rubbing her temples with his thumbs.

  “That’s because I’m waiting for you to kiss me.”

  Sean let out a chuckle and lowered his face a little, his eyes never leaving hers. “Well, I didn’t want to seem too eager, ya know?”

  Alyssa grabbed his sweater in her fists and gave a light tug. “Man up, Cowboy. We haven’t got all day.”

  Sean laughed out loud, the sound echoing in the silence, and dipped his head, claiming her lips in a breathtaking, toe-curling kiss.

  Chapter 30

  Alyssa lay wide awake in bed, her brain a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts. The day had flown, and she didn’t want to fall asleep because she knew that, once she woke up, it’d be time for her to leave.

  She couldn’t believe how what had started as a spur-of-the-moment trip to get away from it all for a while had turned into a life-changing journey, in which she’d also met the love of her life.

  Sean.

  Just the sound of his name was enough to give her goose bumps. She was sure this was what true love was all about.

  The thought of leaving him tore her heart in shreds, and she had no idea how she was going to cope without him now that she knew what it felt like to love and be loved in return. All she knew was she would have to give some serious thought to her future once she was back in New York.

  Would Sean ever consider leaving Wyoming to be with her? Or would she have to leave her hometown and move to the country?

  Strangely, the idea didn’t sound so terrible, after all. She liked it here, and even though it was a small town, she guessed she could try and find a job in the bigger towns in the area. Even in the west they must need attorneys at the end of the day.

  A light knock on the door startled her out of her troubled thoughts, and she bolted upright, checking the time on the digital clock on the nightstand.

  12.15 a.m.

  She jumped out of bed and cracked the door open, peeping out. Her face broke into a broad smile when she saw Sean standing there with a crooked smile and his hands tucked in the back pockets of his dark-blue jeans.

  “Hey,” he said, his voice low and deep. “I hope I didn’t wake you.”

  Alyssa shook her head. “I can’t sleep.”

  “Me neither. Fancy some company?”

  She opened the door a little wider, and stepped aside to let him in. He shook his head.

  “Not here. If somebody gets up, they might hear us talk.” Alyssa frowned and Sean stroked her cheek. �
�Get dressed; I’ll meet you in the barn.”

  He gave her a quick peck and left her with a smile on her face and dreamy eyes. She loved him; there was no questioning it.

  Five minutes later she closed the door of the barn behind her. The interior was dark, and the only light was the white glow of the full moon coming in through the big window. In the dim light she could make out Sean’s silhouette on a haystack, his arms crossed behind his head, his legs bent.

  He turned his head when she walked in. “Come here; the sky’s a starry blanket tonight. It’s ideal for stargazing,” he said, patting the spot next to him.

  She approached him and plopped down onto the stack, lying down close to him on a blanket he’d laid out. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, and pulled her into his chest. She took a deep breath, inhaling the musky scent of his body wash mixed with the smell of hay; she knew this scent would stay in her mind forever, bringing with it all the memories of him and these special moments.

  Alyssa let out a long sigh of contentment. “This is beautiful. I’m so going to miss this.”

  “You are beautiful, and I’m so going to miss you.”

  Alyssa giggled at his unexpected comment, and snuggled closer into him. She loved it when he shed his gruff cowboy persona and showed her his marshmallow side. She tilted her head up to look at him and his unshaven chin scratched her skin, giving her goose bumps. Her lips grazed his jaw until they found his, and he responded to the connection of their mouths.

  His stargazing plan was quickly forgotten as he pulled her on top of him, wrapping his arms securely around her. She was never going to be able to live six states away from him. Moving on and considering this a summer fling was no longer an option she was willing to contemplate.

  “I love you, Cowboy,” she whispered.

  His hands trailed up from her waist slowly toward her face. When they cupped her cheeks, he pulled her down gently until their lips almost connected.

  “I love you, too, Alyssa. You’ve stolen my heart.”