Hold on to Love Read online

  Alyssa let out a long breath—hopefully she was close to relenting now.

  “He loves you, Alyssa. He loves you so much, and his stupid decision is tearing both of you apart. He thought he could manage, but he’s a wreck without you. Don’t let his stubbornness ruin what could be something good for both of you.”

  Tammy knew she shouldn’t be begging her but she couldn’t bear not only to see her brother so devastated, but to know that Alyssa was just as heartbroken.

  “I don’t know, Tammy. He made it clear he doesn’t want a long-distance relationship and, to tell you the truth, neither do I.”

  Tammy’s hope sank to her feet; she should’ve known that Alyssa would get sick of Sean’s behavior and would eventually get over him. She hadn’t thought it would be so soon though.

  “I want to be with him more than I’ve ever wanted anything or anyone in my life, but if he’s not willing to even try to work things out between us, I don’t want to be the only one to fight for it.”

  Tammy exhaled and smiled; it wasn’t hopeless, after all—at least, not yet.

  She walked out of her room and started roaming around the house with the receiver in her hands, looking for Sean. This was the right time for them to talk and sort things through. Alyssa was willing to, and Tammy knew that Sean was only pretending. He would jump at the first chance of getting back together with her, Tammy was sure.

  “I think this was all nonsense; if Sean had talked to me before blurting it all out to you, I would’ve made him see what a giant ass he was.” Tammy kept walking, popping her head inside every room in the house until she saw a rocker swinging on the back porch and she knew she’d found him.

  “I’m gonna pass him the phone now and you’re gonna have to open his eyes on the whole thing, okay? Yell at him, call him names if you need—whatever it takes to remove the wool off his eyes. I want my brother back.”

  “Tammy, I don’t think—”

  “Shush,” she said, moving the phone away from her ear and cutting her off.

  She opened the door and walked out onto the porch where Sean was rocking back and forth on the chair with the heels of his work-boots, staring into the distance with a blank expression on his face. He was probably thinking of Alyssa—she would bet all her pocket money on it.

  “Sean. Phone,” she said, handing out the receiver to him.

  He stared at her for a moment, as if still lost in thought, and then looked down at her hand. It took him a few seconds to connect the dots and reach out for the phone. She smiled and went back inside before he realized who was on the phone and what she’d just done.

  Mission accomplished.

  “Sean.”

  The ground beneath his feet shuddered as a snake of pain coiled around his throat, choking him. Her voice still affected him in ways he wouldn’t have thought possible. Who was he kidding, though? It had been almost two weeks since their last chat, since the night he’d told her they were through, and he’d never even tried to get over her. He didn’t want to get over her—period. If this meant he’d be heartbroken for the rest of his life, then he would. There was no way he would ever want to forget the way her eyes lit up when she smiled, how his heart raced when she kissed him, or the way she could make him feel lightheaded with a single touch.

  “Hey,” he said, clearing his throat to buy some time.

  What was he going to tell her now? Just the sound of his name coming out of her lips had made him want to cry like a baby. He wasn’t going to be able to keep up the mask.

  “I miss our chats.” Her voice trembled as she said it. His eyes filled with tears and he swallowed hard. “They were the highlight of my dreadful days. I hate it here, Sean. I sort of tolerated my life before I met you and your family. I hated it when you left New York, and now that you’ve cut all bonds I feel… empty and useless. I miss you.”

  “Alyssa, I—”

  “No, let me speak. You had your chance to say it all last time, and I was too shocked to say what I really wanted to. So now just shut up and listen.”

  Sean let out a low chuckle; he loved her when she turned all feisty. He’d always thought there was more to her than the quiet, sophisticated woman she let everyone see, and he loved this side of her only he had gotten to know.

  “I’ve told you more than once but you can be really thick when you want, so let’s see if we can get this straight once and for all.”

  She inhaled deeply, probably rearranging the ideas in her mind. His heart thudded so loudly he was sure anyone within twenty feet could hear it. He’d missed her so much that the sound of her voice was enough to cause him physical pain. Maybe he should’ve hung up on her when he realized who it was on the other end of the line.

  “None of the guys I went out with ever even managed to bring a smile to my face, in spite of their designer clothes and credit cards, whereas you… you’ve made me happier than I’ve been in my whole life,” she said, interrupting his thoughts. “With you, I found that I didn’t need to wear a mask, to be someone who’d please everyone else but made me miserable. I could be myself, and you loved me all the same. It wasn’t just because I was on vacation; I was happy because you made me happy, because you made me feel loved and special like none of those guys had ever made me feel. I just wish you would get this into that thick skull of yours. I love you, Sean, and I really want this to work somehow. I don’t mind leaving it all behind, as long as I can be with you.”

  “You won’t be happy here, Alyssa. You’ve seen what it’s like; the biggest town is seventy miles away. What would you do all day?”

  Alyssa let out a loud grunt, and he could picture her rolling her eyes and stomping her feet like a child. He smiled at the image and immediately felt nostalgic. He missed her so much.

  “You’re so stubborn you’ll end up driving me insane. Will you just stop thinking all I need are boutiques and swanky restaurants? No, I haven’t figured out what I’d do if I moved to Wind Creek, because up until five minutes ago I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore so there was no point in turning my life upside-down for someone who’d clearly said we were through. If you love me like you always said, please give us a chance.” The tone of the last sentence was less harsh than the rest of her speech, and a lot more pleading. “Let’s wait until the new year, and if by then we haven’t come up with a solution, we’ll accept defeat and go our separate ways. I promise I won’t stalk you.”

  He laughed at that, a real laugh for the first time in two weeks. “I never pictured you as a stalker, but I don’t think I would mind if you became mine.” She giggled, and the barbed wire around his heart slowly eased its tension, even if only a little. Although he so much wanted to believe in the fairy tale, he wasn’t sure it would be a good idea.

  “I don’t know, Alyssa. This is so complicated—are you sure I’m worth it?”

  Alyssa sighed. “Listen, I told Tammy I wasn’t going to beg you but I’ve changed my mind. I am begging you now, Sean. Just one more month—if we can’t find a way out of this, we’ll call it quits and you’ll be free to find yourself a nice Wyoming girl and forget all about me.”

  Sean pondered her words and let their meaning sink in; one more month would mean more time to convince his father to hire someone, more time to look for a job somewhere on the east coast so she wouldn’t have to leave the city, more time to see her face on Skype and dream about her lips. The past two weeks had been torture; if he could have one more month with her, he’d be content with what he could get, even though they’d have to say goodbye afterward.

  If she was so set on making this work, it could only mean that she really loved him. Bethany had disappeared the minute he’d dropped her off in front of her Victorian house in Denver, but Alyssa was still willing to fight, in spite of the asinine way he’d behaved with her.

  “I don’t want a Wyoming girl,” he said, seriously, glad she couldn’t see the corners of his lips twitch. “I’ve a thing for stubborn, begging city girls, so I mi
ght give you a chance if you insist.”

  Alyssa laughed and the sweet sound was like music to his ears. He’d missed her laughter, just as much as he’d missed seeing her beautiful face, kissing her lips and stroking her silky skin.

  “And I’ve a thing for pigheaded cowboys, so I guess we’re just meant to be, no matter what.”

  They said goodbye and he promised to meet her on Skype the following night, same time as always.

  When she hung up, he leaned back in the rocker and closed his eyes; she was back in his life and so was his heart. Thirty days; he had been granted a little more than thirty days to find a solution that would entitle not losing Alyssa and consequently not losing his mind.

  This time he would not screw up.

  Chapter 42

  While she was in court the following day for yet another stupid case she had been assigned, Alyssa zoned out from the trial, thinking about Sean and their conversation the previous night.

  His stupid attempts at breaking it off so that she could be free to live her life in her happy little world of diamonds and gold had miserably failed. She knew she owed Tammy big time, because if the young girl hadn’t meddled and tried to put some sense into her brother’s head, they’d both still be grieving over their broken hearts.

  She couldn’t believe that after all the times they’d spoken and the weekend they’d spent together, he still thought she would choose her glossy life over him. She’d never wanted any of this—she’d never asked to come from a wealthy family—it was just the way it was, but she would give it all up for him. He was the only thing worth holding on to. Money would go, her so-called friends had already turned their backs on her, her family had never really cared that much—the only thing she was sure of was that Sean’s love for her was true and totally selfless. He’d been willing to put his own happiness behind just because he didn’t want her to give up her wealthy life—a life he thought made her happy.

  Now things had finally been sorted, she knew more than ever that it was time to stand up for herself and finally do what she wanted to do. She wanted to be with Sean and she didn’t want to be an attorney anymore. She’d rather end up working in a diner in Wind Creek than spend another day in a court, trying to help a guilty man get away with his crime just because he could afford to hire the best legal firm in the city, just like she was doing today.

  In a flash of clarity she knew exactly what she had to do—she’d never been surer and more determined in her life. If being with Sean meant she would have to give up on life as she knew it, then she wasn’t afraid to do it. When she was with him, she always felt perfectly at ease with herself; she could be the person she had always wanted to be. She knew Sean would never ask her to be someone she was not. He had fallen in love with the person he had gotten to know in Wind Creek, with the real Alyssa.

  She stood up in the middle of the harangue by the prosecution, and Judge Tripp looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

  “Attorney O’Riordan?” he asked in an annoyed tone, and for a moment she felt her resolve falter. Was she ready for this? Would she be strong enough to face her mother?

  All eyes were on her now. Her client cleared his throat and asked in a whisper what she was doing. She wanted to turn around and slap him across that annoying face of his, but she knew that would definitely get her in trouble.

  I’m doing it for Sean, she thought, trying to steel herself. His face flashed in front of her eyes and she could almost feel his lips on hers; yes, he was worth all this and more.

  “May I approach the desk, Your Honor?” she asked in a trembling voice.

  Some low murmurs spread among the jury members and some of the people in the audience but she blocked them out. She wouldn’t let the fear of gossip stop her now. Judge Tripp beckoned her and she got out from her chair, reaching the desk in two quick steps.

  “Do I need to be informed too?” the prosecution, Attorney Martins, asked. Alyssa waved him away, and his eyebrows shot up at her gesture.

  She’d pissed off another important person in the New York legal system, but why should she care now?

  “I need you to adjourn the court, Your Honor. I…” She stalled, thinking quick of a reason that wouldn’t sound suspicious, but failing when the old judge gave her a hard stare. “I have to leave; it’s… um… it’s an emergency.”

  She’d never been too good at lying her way out of a situation, and with a court full of people and Judge Tripp’s eyes scrutinizing her she suddenly felt small and defenseless. Tears started blurring her vision and she blinked them back, knowing that crying like a child in front of a judge wouldn’t help her case.

  “Are you all right, Alyssa?” he whispered, leaning closer so that nobody would hear their conversation. Before he became a judge, he’d worked in the same legal office as her mother, so he’d basically known Alyssa since she was a toddler. She was sure he would’ve never expected her to act so strangely, especially not during such an important trial. Maybe she should rely on his fatherly instincts so his reaction wouldn’t be so harsh.

  “I know this is not normal behavior but I… I’m not feeling well. I really need to leave.” She put on her best sick expression and gave him a weak smile. She’d never win an Oscar for it, but she should be able to pull it off this time and get her wish granted.

  He stared at her with a frown, looking as if he weren’t totally convinced, but after a moment he grabbed his gavel and nodded.

  “Go home; you look like you could use some rest.”

  Alyssa smiled. “Thank you, Your Honor. I appreciate your understanding.”

  She spun back just as Judge Tripp hit the gavel and pronounced that the court would be adjourned until after Thanksgiving.

  The quiet murmurs from before became louder and Alyssa knew this would reach her mother’s ears before she’d be able to speak to her, but she’d have to see her for the usual Thanksgiving lunch tomorrow, so she was sure she’d have the chance to tell her all about it then.

  She went back to the desk and collected all the paperwork. Her client looked at her with a scowl.

  He shot to his feet, his hands balling into fists and his face turning beet-red. “Would you mind telling me what’s going on here? Are you out of your mind?”

  Alyssa bit her lip and squeezed her fingers around her leather briefcase, resisting the urge to whack him with it.

  “Don’t worry; I’ll make sure someone else from the office takes over your case. I really have to go now.”

  He stared at her open-mouthed while the people from the jury and the other people who were in the court kept whispering to one another, probably taken aback by her behavior. She spun and took off before anyone could stop her or ask her why she had done that. She was free, and the thought of it felt so good she almost wanted to cry with joy. But she knew this wasn’t the time or place for it: she still needed to go back to her office, talk to her boss about finding someone who would take on the case, and tell him she quit.

  Although she wasn’t looking forward to it, she knew it would be the easiest part; talking to her mother was going to be the toughest conversation of her life. Her mother would go mental; she would probably have a nervous breakdown. Imagine the humiliation of knowing her own daughter had stood up in the middle of a trial and had left the court without any explanation.

  To say her boss hadn’t been pleased with her behavior was an understatement. Alyssa was sure that, if she hadn’t cut in during his angry rant to tell him she was quitting, he probably would have fired her anyway. The client was one of the most important ones they’d had, and Alyssa’s reckless behavior might have screwed things up with the whole trial. Alyssa knew she should somehow feel guilty for causing so much trouble, but she couldn’t find it in herself to. Actually, she hoped they would lose the trial and the man would go to jail, pay for what he’d done and learn his lesson.

  She went back to her desk, picked up her few belongings, and left the building without a bit of regret. She didn’t even care about
giving the two-week notice which would be expected from her. For once in her life, she would be happy to use her family name to bypass the rules and do things her way. Nobody would dare to argue with the NY chief of police or with Judge O’Riordan. Let them talk about her being a spoiled girl, using Daddy as a shield; she didn’t care what they thought of her. This part of her life was over. Thank God for that.

  This would be the first step toward her freedom. Determination filled her with every single step she took as she walked home instead of taking the underground. It was a cold afternoon, but the thought of the crowded underground train made her almost claustrophobic, just like she’d felt earlier that day in court. She knew she could start breathing again only once she was with Sean. Nothing and nobody else would do.

  She was a human icicle by the time she reached her apartment, but she’d never felt better. She’d switched off her phone, foreseeing a call from her mother sometime before the day was through. She knew she couldn’t keep running away like a child and that tomorrow she’d have to confront her, but right now she wasn’t in the mood for a chat full of reproachful remarks that would make her feel a failure, both as a daughter and as an attorney. There’d be time for that at their Thanksgiving lunch. Right now, she needed to focus on her future.

  She plugged in her laptop and, with a mug of hot tea warming her chilled body, she spent the rest of the afternoon looking for information on the University of Wyoming and jotting down telephone numbers for real estate agents. Her new life was just about to begin.

  Chapter 43

  Thanksgiving hadn’t been the same after her grandmother had died. Alyssa had always enjoyed helping Grandmother cook and stuff the turkey, while Derek used to make gagging sounds before running out of the kitchen. After her grandmother died, Alyssa’s mother never bothered cooking a turkey; she would call and have one delivered to their house in time for their family lunch, complete with vegetables and dessert. Her mother had never tried to be a housewife; money would compensate the household abilities she lacked, so she’d never bothered.