Hold on to Love Read online

  Ah, I don’t think so, Daddy. The last thing she wanted was to spend an evening in the lion’s den and give her mother the opportunity to chew her to bits. No, thank you.

  “I… I’ll see how things go tomorrow and I’ll let you know if I can make it,” she lied, staring at the intricate cornices on the ceiling. She’d always loved that feature in her grandmother’s apartment, and it was the only thing she’d asked the renovators not to remove when they’d torn the apartment to pieces. “I might end up being a little tired. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

  They said goodbye and a moment after she hung up the phone rang again, making her jump on the bed. She looked at the number and didn’t recognize the area code; could she dare to hope…?

  “Hello?” she said in a wary tone. She didn’t want to build up her hopes in case some stranger from another state had dialed the wrong number. Someone was breathing on the other end of the line, but there was no reply.

  “Is anyone there? Who’s this?” she asked, starting to worry.

  A low, deep chuckle made her insides twist in intricate knots. “Hey, City Girl. I’m quite hurt that you didn’t save my number in your phone.”

  “Sean.” His name left her mouth in a whoosh as tears filled her eyes. After crying for almost half an hour, she would’ve thought there were no more tears left, but apparently a broken heart provided a constant source of salty water to a body. “You found my letter.”

  “I did. I kinda hated you all day until I went back into my room to get changed and found your note on the floor. I’d thought you’d changed your mind and left me hanging there like an idiot.”

  Alyssa chuckled. “Must’ve stung your ego pretty bad, hey, Cowboy?”

  “Nope. It actually broke my heart.”

  The sad tone in his voice made Alyssa’s heart break a little more. Hurting him was the last thing she’d meant to do when she’d decided to leave without saying goodbye.

  “Sean… I…”

  “Yeah, I know; it’s all in the letter, I understand. You were probably right; I wouldn’t have been able to let you go or say goodbye with a handshake in front of my family. It’s just that… well…” He cleared his throat and Alyssa imagined him scratching his cheek the way he did when he was nervous. “I know it’s not very manly to admit it, but I kinda miss you already.”

  Alyssa’s heart swelled as her lips curled up in a smile. “I love this mushy side of you, Cowboy. And I miss you too. I wish you were here with me.”

  “Are you at home?”

  Alyssa nodded with her eyes closed, then remembered he couldn’t see her. “I’m on my bed, in my robe, wondering whether I should sleep or get up and heat a frozen pizza.”

  “Don’t say that,” he groaned. Alyssa frowned; he didn’t like pizza?

  “What?”

  “Now I have this image of you on your bed in your robe, and I’m two thousand miles away, heartbroken and lonely. I’m gonna have to take a cold shower.”

  Alyssa let out a loud laugh. It was kind of funny to know she had that effect on him; although, if she had to be honest, she wouldn’t mind having him right next to her now, his arms wrapped around her.

  “Listen, I’ll install Skype later on tonight. Do you have a webcam?”

  “Why, do you?” she asked, skeptically. Sean laughed.

  “Yeah, even though I live in the middle of nowhere, I happen to have access to technology, ya know?”

  “Well, that’s good then. I can’t wait to see your handsome face again, Cowboy.”

  She didn’t bother hiding her feelings or sugar-coating her words. There was no point in playing pretend; she loved him and missed him already. And he was the most handsome man she’d ever come across—and she’d seen quite a few good-looking men.

  “And I can’t wait to see you in your silky robe, City Girl,” he said in a low growling tone.

  “Who said it’s silky? Maybe it’s all lacy and see-through…” she teased, putting on the sexiest voice she’d ever used. He let out a desperate groan.

  “Dang, girl, ya killin’ me here.”

  She giggled and wrapped the belt of her robe around her finger. “Okay, I’ll put you out of your misery. It’s actually a fluffy, towel robe; I doubt you’d want to see me in that. I could always go shopping tomorrow, though.”

  Sean laughed and the sound made her stomach quiver. They hadn’t been apart twenty-four hours yet, and already she felt as if someone had ripped her heart out of her chest. She felt empty and lonely without him. How long would she be able to cope?

  “Let me be the judge of that. If I remember well, you looked quite amazing in a baggy tracksuit top—I’m sure you look even hotter in a towel robe.”

  Alyssa’s cheeks burned. The last thing she felt now was hot, but she enjoyed the compliment since it came from him.

  “I… um… I think I’d better go. I still have to heat my pizza and I’m actually starving right now.”

  “Great; dumped because of a pizza. Makes me feel real important.” He let out an exaggerated sigh and Alyssa giggled. “I’ll let you go, but only because I don’t want to feel guilty for starving you. Will I see ya tomorrow, then?”

  Even though she knew he meant he’d see her on Skype, the words caused her goose bumps. Wouldn’t it be great if he showed up at her door, a red rose in his hand and a gorgeous smile on his face, saying “surprise”? She shook her head; she should stop watching chick-flicks.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow, Cowboy. Say, around nine your time? That should give you enough time to have dinner and lock yourself up in your bedroom without arousing suspicions.”

  “Mmm… All this secret dating is quite exciting, ya know?” he said hoarsely. Alyssa laughed. He was right, though: it really was. “Then nine it is. Make sure you wear your towel robe, okay?”

  “Shut up,” she said, giggling; then she turned serious. “I love you, Sean.”

  “Love you, too, City Girl.”

  After they hung up, she tossed her phone on the mattress and hugged the pillow, soaking it in tears until her stomach growled in anger some twenty minutes later and she finally made it to the kitchen.

  Chapter 34

  October

  It had been barely two weeks since Alyssa had gone back to New York, and Tammy had noticed that during the last few days Sean hadn’t been himself. She had caught him a couple of times lying on his bed soon after dinner staring at the ceiling, lost in thought, and this was totally unlike him.

  He had even started disappearing in the middle of the day, and when their mother asked him where he had been he would tell her he had gone to the cabin to relax for a while.

  She knew exactly what was wrong with him: he was in love, and the object of his affection was miles away and would probably never come back.

  He obviously didn’t know she’d seen them hugging and kissing the night before Alyssa had left and, although she was dying to let him know how happy she was, she knew it was best not to tell him if she didn’t want him to shut up like a clam.

  But it hurt her to see him like that.

  Before Alyssa came into their lives he had seemed happy enough to live there and work on their family business, but after Alyssa was gone, it seemed as if nothing really mattered to him anymore. He worked because he had to, but he seemed to have lost the enthusiasm he used to put into his daily activities, as if Alyssa had taken all of his happiness away with her.

  She had to do something to help her brother. She started thinking of how to bring back the sunshine into his life and, after realizing that the only way to make Sean happy was most probably bringing Alyssa back, she started planning how she was going to make it happen.

  She locked herself up in her room and, while her mother thought she was busy doing her homework, she spent the afternoon writing down on a notepad any possible options that came to her mind.

  It took her a couple of hours to find the perfect plan. Her sixteenth birthday was only a few weeks away and a crazy idea hit the back of h
er mind, making her jump with joy on her chair.

  She sprang up and made for the door, stopping by the mirror to compliment her reflection for coming up with such a smart idea. Then she pulled herself together, took a deep breath and went out of her room, pretending she was calm and totally in control.

  Her mother was busy in the kitchen making dinner, and didn’t turn away from the stove when she walked in. When Tammy stopped by her she flinched and dropped the wooden spoon into the pot.

  “Tammy! You scared me!”

  Tammy giggled and looked inside the pot inhaling the delicious smell of her mother’s stew. Her mouth watered.

  “Can I do something to help?” she asked nonchalantly. Her mother stopped stirring and turned to look at her with narrowed eyes.

  “What are you up to, Tammy? I know you are going to ask me something, since you’re offering to help me make dinner.”

  She giggled again and opened the cupboard, taking out a tin jar and grabbing a couple of cookies. After she put the jar back into the cupboard, she sat on the table and took a deep breath before she spoke again.

  “I was thinking… you know it’s gonna be my sixteenth birthday soon, right?”

  Her mother nodded and kept her gaze fixed on Tammy, her fists resting on her hips, exactly like she always did when she knew she was going to say no to whatever her daughter would come up with— something that seemed to happen a bit too often lately.

  “Well, I was thinking that… you know, since I’ve been getting pretty good grades at school lately and there’s a long Halloween weekend this year… Well, I thought that maybe I could… I mean, you would let me…”

  “Tammy, cut it short, please. Just say what you want,” her mother huffed, and Tammy let it all out in one breath.

  “May I go to New York for my birthday? Alyssa told me that if I ever went to New York I could stay with her, so I wouldn’t have to pay for a hotel. Please, Mommy, please, I promise I won’t ask for a Christmas present and I’ll do my homework every day without arguing. I’ll do the dishes for a month if you let me go and I’ll clean my bedroom and…”

  “Forget it,” her mother said, just like she had expected her to and, although she was a little disappointed, she was ready to use the ace she’d kept up her sleeve, hoping that her mother wouldn’t object to this.

  She obviously couldn’t tell her the real reason why she wanted to go to New York, and it was clear that her mother thought it was simply another of her silly ideas about moving to the city to work in the fashion industry. She would have to do better than that; she would have to somehow convince her mother that this time it was really important.

  “If Sean went with me would you let me go, Mommy? I swear if you let me go just this one time, I’ll never talk about fashion again. You have my word, cross on my heart. Puh-leeaase!”

  Her mother chuckled. Tammy was sure that saying she’d stop all her babbling about fashion would make her mother understand this was more important to her than anything else she had ever asked for in the past. Besides, if Alyssa was going to offer hospitality, they should be able to afford the trip, and with Sean taking care of her she wouldn’t really need to worry about anything happening to her.

  Tammy looked expectantly at her mother, nervously nibbling the cookie. After what seemed like hours, her mother hung her head and looked at her with narrowed eyes.

  “You’ve promised a lot of things in the last few minutes, and you’ll be in trouble if you don’t keep any of the promises. I’m putting my trust in you, now; I’ll expect you not to disappoint me, or I will never trust you again. Ever. And you’ll be grounded for the rest of your life. And I mean it, Tammy.”

  Tammy jumped off the table and hugged her mother, thanking her a million times before she pushed her away, laughing.

  “Go ask Sean, now. I’ll see what I can do with your father. I guess he won’t be too happy about this but we’ll work it out.”

  Tammy barely waited for her to finish the sentence before she sprinted away with a big smile on her face, knowing she was just about to make Sean very, very happy.

  Sean was in the barn, already arranging the hay for the following day, hoping this would buy him some time to sleep tomorrow. He’d been feeling constantly worn-out over the past couple of weeks, and he was quite sure it had all started after Alyssa had left.

  He felt as if all he was doing were meaningless; he’d always loved his life, his job, his town, his house, but ever since Alyssa had left it was as if she had taken away a piece of his heart with her, and his life had suddenly felt empty.

  He loved having her around, offering help because she wanted to learn everything about country life. He could still hear her laughter when she had tried to milk a cow for the first time and she had sprayed her face and clothes with milk; he could still see her crying like a baby when the calf was born. There were so many little things he loved about her, and now that she was gone he missed them all.

  Leaves had started falling and the fields and woods were an amazing sight. He wished Alyssa could see it all: he was sure she would love it.

  He felt short of breath when he thought of her. He couldn’t picture his life without her, and that was how he was sure she was the one, the love of his life. He had known it that day in the barn when he had woken up and had seen her sleeping peacefully on a haystack, and he knew it for sure now.

  Whenever he felt blue he went back to the cabin, and he would lie on the floor by the fireplace in the same spot where they had lain that afternoon. He would close his eyes and remember how good it had felt wrapping his arms around her, feeling her cuddle up close, and he wished he would wake up and find her there, right beside him, smiling at him like she had that day.

  Even though they chatted every night through Skype, he couldn’t help wondering if they’d ever make it through this, and he still found himself dreading that she might move on and find someone else.

  His reveries were brusquely interrupted when Tammy stormed in. He juggled the fork in his hands before it fell to the floor and turned back to look at her with raised eyebrows.

  “Tammy, what are you up to?”

  “I need a big favor, and if you say yes I promise I’ll be the happiest and most grateful sister ever,” she said, her hands joined together in front of her face.

  “I’m not gonna cover for you with Mom and Dad in case you want to ditch school or go to a party. You can forget it.”

  “I wasn’t going to ask that.” She blew a raspberry through her lips and slumped down on the hay. “It’s something really important and Mom said I can go, but only if you go with me.”

  He crouched down next to her, and looked at her quizzically.

  “Go where?” he asked suspiciously. This didn’t sound good.

  “It’s for my birthday. You know there’s a long Halloween weekend, so I won’t miss school days, and I was thinking that, well, since we have three days off, we could go to New York and meet up with Alyssa. She said I could stay at her place, so we’d only have to buy a ticket. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if you were around, too.”

  He almost lost balance at the sound of her name, and sat on the hay. He noticed the corners of her lips twitch, but he hoped it was only because of his clumsiness. Surely she couldn’t suspect anything, could she? But even if she didn’t, he couldn’t admit straight out that this was the most amazing idea she’d ever come up with and that he’d drive her there himself if that provided an excuse for him to be anywhere within an arm’s reach of Alyssa.

  He put on his best poker face and cleared his throat, shaking his head almost imperceptibly.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Tammy. She was only being polite when she invited you over because she was sure you’d never go. Besides, we can’t really call her and say we’re going to sleep in her house; it would be rude.”

  “No, it wouldn’t. And if she doesn’t want us to stay in her house, she could recommend a cheap hotel. Please, Sean, it’d be the best birthday pres
ent ever. Puh-leeasee.”

  He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling; he knew that even if he spent the next three hours telling Tammy he wouldn’t go she wouldn’t leave him alone until he’d said yes. He only had to play hard-to-get for a few more minutes, pretend he’d be doing it for her because he was an awesome brother, and everything would work out to perfection.

  “Well, I don’t know. Maybe you should ask her first, see if she’d be okay. You have her number, right? Call her tomorrow and if she says yes, I’ll think about it.” He shrugged and stood up, picking up his fork from the floor. “I can’t promise anything right now, though.”

  Tammy stood up and threw her arms around him. She hugged him and thanked him while Sean was thanking her in his mind.

  Chapter 35

  Alyssa had been pacing up and down La Guardia airport for the last hour. Their flight wasn’t due for landing until nine thirty, but she’d had an early dinner and headed straight for the airport afterward. She knew it was unlikely their plane would land an hour early, but she wanted to be there when they walked through the sliding door of arrivals.

  She couldn’t stop thinking about the phone call she’d received from Tammy two weeks before. Alyssa had been happily surprised when Tammy had said she’d come visit—she’d been really looking forward to seeing Tammy again. She had missed Tammy’s bubbly personality and the fun they had together. Even though she was only fifteen, now turning sixteen, Alyssa loved chatting with her.

  It was when Tammy had said Sean would be going with her that Alyssa had all but choked on her coffee; good thing she was having lunch alone that day, or her colleague’s expensive suit would’ve ended up soaked. She’d tried to hide her excitement behind a “oh, that’s nice,” comment, but as soon as she’d hung up, a grin had split her face in two and happy tears had filled her eyes.