Hold on to Love Read online

  Chapter 50

  It had been ages since Alyssa had spent Christmas day surrounded by so many people. She could barely recall the year when her grandmother’s sister had come to Alyssa’s parents’ house for Christmas lunch with her whole family. Her mother had hired a catering company and it had been one of the usual very formal lunches her mother was so fond of. Even so, Alyssa had had fun playing cards and singing Christmas songs while her grandmother’s sister played the piano. But nothing could have prepared her for the feeling of companionship she experienced while everyone was seated around the big rectangular table in the guests’ dining room. It was loud and cheerful, and she couldn’t recall laughing so much in years, especially among strangers.

  At some point during the day, Sean had convinced her to call her family to wish them a merry Christmas. She didn’t want another argument with her parents to spoil the beautiful day she was having, but Sean had been extremely persuasive, especially when he told her he’d spend the whole night cuddling her if she picked up the phone and spoke to her parents. That was the moment she’d caved.

  She hadn’t spoken to her family in almost a week. She’d received a phone call from her mother the second day she’d been in Cheyenne, and after the ultimate fight about her being an irresponsible and ungrateful daughter, they’d hung up on each other and not spoken since. She hadn’t expected her father to call to fix things; he was always too busy with all the problems related to his job to find the time to make a phone call.

  “Hello?”

  “Um… Derek?” Great. It had to be her annoying, insensitive brother who picked up the phone, of course. Just her typical luck.

  “Lissy? Hey, you’re alive! I thought some grizzly had feasted with your body as the main course.”

  Alyssa rolled her eyes but couldn’t help a smile from curling her lips. He was just trying to keep the mood light.

  “Ha ha. You home for winter break?” she asked, changing the subject and wanting to delay the inevitable conversation with her mother as long as possible.

  “Yep; brought Emily home with me to meet the parents. Thought it was high time.”

  “Emily?”

  Derek had never been serious enough with any girls to introduce them to the family. Alyssa had never met any of his girlfriends, apart from the times she’d seen him walk around the university campus with some girl hanging off his arm. The one time her brother had a serious relationship and she’d missed her chance to know her; perfect timing.

  Derek let out a chuckle. “My girlfriend of almost a year. Unbelievable, right? I think I’ve met my match. She’s pretty cool, funny and smart, not to mention rather gorgeous.”

  Alyssa’s heart warmed. She’d never heard her brother talk like that about a girl he was dating- “Gorgeous” had always been the first adjective he’d used to describe his new date, because that was what he ever looked for in a girl. She had to look good by his side—the rest didn’t really matter.

  “She must be pretty cool indeed if she’s managed to be around for a year. I would’ve loved to meet her.”

  “Well…” He cleared his throat nervously. “We won’t have to go back to Yale until after the holidays so, if you’re not coming home—”

  “No, I’m not coming home, Derek,” she snapped, wishing she’d just skipped the conversation with him and had asked him to put her through to her mother. It would’ve been easier to just get it over with and go back to the Maclaines’ celebrations. She didn’t want to listen to her brother’s judgmental talk again.

  “Lissy, please, just let me finish,” he said, letting out a sigh of exasperation. “I’m sorry about what happened at Thanksgiving. You caught me by surprise; you’ve always been the obedient, perfect daughter and I always looked up to you whenever I doubted Mom’s decisions for us. Then you came out with this nonsense about leaving your life to go after a guy who, for all I knew, could be a crazy cowboy who’d take advantage of you and your money, and I just lost it.”

  Alyssa rolled her eyes again and inhaled deeply, counting very slowly to twenty. She wasn’t going to have another fight with her brother on a festive day.

  “Even though I may not have been Brother of the Year, I do care about you. You’re my sister, and I’ll always worry about what you do and who you hang out with.”

  “Well, you never seemed to worry too much about whom I hung out with in the past,” she said, unable to contain her annoyance any longer.

  “That’s because I knew the people you hung out with were harmless. I mean, they were all people from our social circle, so Mom and Dad knew them or their families. None of them would ever do anything stupid, knowing you were the daughter of the Chief of Police. But that guy—”

  “Sean,” she said, irritation growing inside her with every word he said.

  “Yes, Sean,” he conceded, “I knew nothing about him and I was pretty sure neither did you. Guys can be great actors when they’re after something. I didn’t want you to get hurt.”

  “So it was better for me to hang out with Julian, right? A man ten years my senior and a stalker, just because Mom knew who he was?” There was an awkward silence and Alyssa hoped the words had sunk in at last. “You didn’t know that, did you? I don’t suppose Dad told you about our conversation on Thanksgiving? Mom had her mind set on him, no matter what I thought. He forced his tongue into my mouth and his hand into my blouse after I’d made it clear I didn’t like him. I had to slap him to break free from his vicious grip. But of course that’s okay, because he’s a famous attorney, and Mom adores him.”

  “Lissy I… I didn’t know that, I’m sorry.”

  “I took that vacation because of him, Derek, because he was stalking me. I couldn’t stand the sight of him—I couldn’t stand the sight of myself knowing I’d let him believe I wanted to go out with him, just to please Mom.”

  She let out a long breath, as the anger slowly dissipated. Of course he couldn’t know; she hadn’t told anyone but Sean, not until Thanksgiving.

  “Sean is different, Derek. He’s a loving man, he’d give his life for the people he loves, and I’ve never been happier in my life than I am now, here, with him. Please, try to understand how I feel, even though it doesn’t make sense to you.”

  “I feel like an idiot, now. I feel so bad for saying those things to you, Lissy.”

  She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. It was Christmas day, after all, and it was supposed to be a day of forgiveness, peace and joy. She was the older sibling, and she should take the first step.

  “It’s okay. Let’s just forget Thanksgiving and start over, okay?” she said eventually- He let out a sigh of approval.

  “Sounds great to me. So, like I was saying before you snapped at me,” Derek said with a hint of playfulness in his voice, “since we’re off until January, maybe Emily and I could come over and visit you for a couple of days, so you could meet her and I could meet this amazing cowboy who’s stolen my sister’s heart. What do you think?”

  Alyssa let out a gasp. “Are you serious?”

  “Is it so unbelievable that I want to spend some time with my sister, get to know her better and maybe go back to how things were when we were kids? We had fun together back then, didn’t we?”

  Alyssa’s eyes filled with tears and her vision blurred; was this really happening? Was she finally going to patch up her relationship with her brother, now that she lived two thousand miles away?

  “There are no five-star hotels here in Wind Creek, Derek. You’d probably have to stay in Cheyenne for that, and it’s three-hundred miles from here.”

  “I thought you said your in-laws owned a guesthouse?”

  Alyssa laughed hearing him call Sean’s family “her in-laws.” “It’s a dude ranch and it’s not actually the best time of the year to be here, what with all the snow and the cold… But maybe if you’re so set on spending a few days living like a cowboy, I could get them to give you a room.”

  “I’m sure Emily will find me
rather attractive with a cowboy hat, so yes, please, see if you can book us in for say, the beginning of January? Now, I’ll put you through to Mom and Dad; I guess that’s why you called, isn’t it? Merry Christmas, Alyssa.”

  A tear slid down her cheek and with a trembling voice she said goodbye to her brother and braced herself for the slaughter.

  When her mother came on the line, Alyssa took a long, steadying breath and held it in until her mother wished her merry Christmas, and then she let it all out in a whoosh. Her mother’s tone was firm and professional, just like it had been all of her life, but Alyssa could swear it sounded a little softer, if that were possible.

  Her mother asked her how she’d been and if she’d had a good lunch, and Alyssa found herself relaxing little by little, almost enjoying a conversation with her mother for the first time in her life. She was still wary though, and waiting for her mother to strike; when she cleared her throat and remained silent for a few seconds Alyssa braced herself, knowing this was when her mother would give the final blow. She squeezed her eyes shut and cringed, waiting for the words to hit her in the face.

  “I heard Derek saying he’ll come visit with Emily; well, I guess your father and I could go with them, meet this guy and his family, see how you’re doing…”

  Alyssa leaned back against the oak console table, gripping its edge and grateful for its support. If she’d been standing in the middle of the living room, she would’ve probably fallen with a thud.

  Had her mother just offered to fly all the way to Wyoming to meet the guy who’d stolen her daughter away from her world? This was starting to become a little too much to bear. She was still trying to recover from the conversation with her brother—she wasn’t ready for Judge O’Riordan to actually turn into a mother. She expected the skies would crack open any minute and the messengers from Heaven would fly down to proclaim the apocalypse had started.

  “Um… Mom… like I told Derek, there aren’t any hotels in Wind Creek. He and Emily will stay at the ranch, but—”

  “Well, don’t they have another room for us?”

  Alyssa swallowed. Jane O’Riordan staying anywhere without room service, a marble-tiled bathroom and mini-bar was something totally unheard of.

  “It’s just a ranch, Mom. The rooms have ensuites and they’re cute and clean, but it’s not really the Ritz.”

  Her mother let out a sigh, but it wasn’t the usual sound she’d let out when they were having an argument. It sounded different, almost sad.

  “I don’t care, Alyssa. I just want to spend a little time with you and get to know this man you’re so in love with. As long as your father and I have a place to sleep a couple of nights, we’ll be fine.”

  Streams of tears drowned her cheeks and soaked the collar of her dress as a mix of relief and happiness squeezed her gut. Had she known that all it would take to get a little of her mother’s affection and attention was to turn her back on her and run in the opposite direction, she would’ve done it ages ago.

  “Alyssa? Are you still there?”

  Her mother broke the silence and a sob escaped Alyssa’s mouth, as she attempted to say something to show she was still there. Her mother let out another sigh when she heard it, and Alyssa fought to regain control. Her mother had never been the emotional type; if anything, any display of vulnerability got on her nerves, and Alyssa had soon learned that the less she cried in front of her mother, the better they’d get on.

  “I’m sorry,” she managed to say, swallowing the knot that clogged her throat.

  “No, I’m sorry, Alyssa. I wanted you to have a perfect life, but I didn’t realize, not until you told me so at Thanksgiving, that I’d just ruined it all for you. Your father told me about Julian.” Alyssa’s heart skipped a beat; so now her mother knew the truth, too. “Why didn’t you tell me what he did? I would’ve talked to him, warned him to stay away from you instead of encouraging him. I thought he’d be a good catch for you, that he’d offer you the life you deserve, the life you’ve been used to. I only wanted you to be happy.”

  “I’m happy now, Mom; that’s all that really matters. You couldn’t know Julian would turn out to be such a jerk. I guess nobody could.” She wiped her cheeks with the heel of her hand and smiled. “At least something good came out of this mess, after all; if I hadn’t escaped from it all, I wouldn’t have met Sean. So, it’s okay, Mom, really; let’s just leave it all behind us.”

  She knew holding a grudge would never sort things out, nor would endless blames and pouts. She still felt awful for the way her mother had pulled the strings of her life like a puppet ever since Alyssa was born, but in a way she could understand now she’d only wanted to make sure her daughter had a wealthy, happy life. The fact that Alyssa never asked for the wealth and would rather live in a ranch in the middle of nowhere couldn’t be blamed on her. If closing Pandora’s box and forgetting the past was what it would take to finally have the semblance of a family, even if thousands of miles away, she would be willing to.

  “I have to go now. Sean’s family will be waiting for me to have dessert. I’ll call you tomorrow and we can talk about the details for your trip, okay? Tell Dad I said merry Christmas. I…” She cleared her throat, feeling as if it had turned into sandpaper.

  She couldn’t recall saying those magical three words to her mother ever since she was a little girl; once she’d learned her mother didn’t care about hearing them, she’d saved them for her grandmother, who appreciated them much more.

  She shook her head; saying “I love you” now would be going overboard. One step at a time; a civilized conversation was more than she could’ve wished for, given their history. Pushing her luck any further didn’t seem like a smart idea.

  “I’ll talk to you soon. Merry Christmas,” she said instead and hung up after her mother reciprocated the wish.

  She turned back, and saw Sean standing by the door, his hands deep inside his pockets.

  “You okay?” he asked with furrowed eyebrows. The look of concern on his face melted the ice around her heart and she took two big steps before flinging herself into his arms. His hands left his pockets and went around her waist, pulling her close to him.

  “Thank you, Sean,” she said before claiming his lips in a kiss that would show him her gratefulness. There’d be time to talk about the phone conversation later on, once everyone had gone home. Right now, all she wanted was to lose herself in his love and the force of his kiss.

  Hours flew by and when it was time for Sean’s relatives to leave, Melanie hugged Alyssa and made Sean promise he’d take her to Cheyenne soon after New Year’s Day, so she could see the apartment. Joe stepped in with his arms wide open, but after a deathly glare from Sean he turned it into a sort of awkward guy-hug, complete with a pat on her shoulder.

  After everyone had left, including Andy and his in-laws, Nick disappeared into the living room to watch TV together with his father, Mrs. Maclaine went back to the kitchen, and Tammy disappeared into her room.

  “I think now’s the right time to sneak away without anyone noticing.” Sean encircled Alyssa’s waist and pulled her flush to him.

  She stifled a gasp at the unexpected contact. She’d be a liar if she said she hadn’t missed the proximity of his body. She blushed at the thought, as if she were afraid everyone could hear them.

  “We didn’t catch up long enough last night and I want to make it up to you, baby.”

  The warm breath in her ear made her heart start a mad hip-hop beat in her chest, and when he gently nibbled her lobe, her legs gave in. She was glad his strong arms around her waist supported her lack of strength.

  She looked at him through hooded lids; his eyes were ice-blue pools of love. Her heart changed from hip-hop to hard-core techno and she almost felt short of air, as if she would suffocate if his lips didn’t lock with hers within the next two seconds.

  She smiled and held his stare; it was all it took for him to understand where her mind had drifted. He released the grip around her wa
ist only to grab her hand and pull her with him back toward her bedroom before anyone else could stop them.

  When the door was locked behind him, he scooped her up in his arms and dropped her onto her queen-sized bed, kicked off his shoes and crawled on top of her, their eyes locked the whole the time. Alyssa grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him down, his lips only a breath away from hers.

  “Are you ready to make up for leaving me last night?” she asked, narrowing her eyes with mock threat. He grinned.

  “Right now I’m ready to make out, if that’s okay with you.”

  Alyssa giggled and let her hands travel from his neck to his shoulders, down along his muscular biceps and forearms.

  “I think that’s okay, Cowboy. Go ahead,” she said. He let out a groan and dipped his head, his mouth on hers a second later.

  Well, merry Christmas to me, she thought with contentment, as his lips seared her skin.

  Some undefined time later, Alyssa rolled on her side and laid her head on Sean’s strong chest, his arm squeezing her just a little tighter. His finger was tracing circles on the bare skin of her back, leaving a trail of goose bumps and tingles in its wake.

  She loved this; the simple pleasure of lying under a warm duvet with his arms around her, protective and a little possessive—as if wanting to make sure she knew she was his. She’d never want to be anyone else’s anyway, but she wouldn’t ask him to stop for anything in the world.

  She found the courage to tell him about her phone conversation with her brother and her mother, and Sean was over the moon about their visit. He said it probably wasn’t the best time of the year for them to see Wyoming for the first time, but they could always come back in the summer when he and Alyssa could show them around. She knew her family’s reaction to their relationship had hurt him; she’d seen it in his eyes the first time she’d mentioned it.

  She was sure things wouldn’t change overnight; knowing her mother, it would take her a little to get used to all this, but at least she’d been willing to try, and that was way more than Alyssa could’ve dreamed of. Only time would tell if her parents would really and totally accept Sean—if they would support her decision, if only morally, to take a different path.