Hold on to Love Read online

  She looked back up from the floor and met Sean’s eyes; the frown had eased a little, so hopefully he was starting to relent.

  “I was eighteen and on my usual rebellion against my mother; she’d just told me I’d been accepted into Yale and I hoped that, if I landed a job as a model, I’d be able to break free from her plans. I guess I was too naïve to understand what it really took to be part of that world. When I stepped into the room where Cindi’s aunt and the management were, I was excited and determined to find my own path in life. They loved my hair and thought I had a pretty, clean face that would look perfect after their makeup artists had worked on it. I thought I was doing great and that I was just about to start a new life, until they asked me to strip down to my underwear so they could check my body, and I freaked out.”

  Sean’s face went pale, and for a moment Alyssa thought he was going to pass out on her. She’d never seen such terror in his eyes. It lasted all of five seconds, then Sean pulled his hands free and took two long strides toward the curtains where Tammy and Cindi had disappeared.

  Alyssa grabbed his arm just before he pulled the curtains open and stormed inside.

  “Sean, wait,” she said, using all her strength to pull him back. “Don’t do this. It won’t work with Tammy.”

  He whipped his head back; his eyes were narrowed to slits and his nostrils were flaring. Alyssa hoped he wouldn’t make a scene now.

  “Now you’re the expert? You barely know my sister, so don’t go telling me what will and won’t work with her.” He was seething. “Keep your brilliant ideas to yourself, Alyssa, and let me deal with my sister my way.”

  “Sean,” she said firmly. He was such a stubborn man, but this time she couldn’t blame him. She would’ve probably reacted the same had she been in his shoes. “You’re right: I don’t know your sister well, but from what little I do, she’s a smart girl and she has principles, just like I did. When they asked me to strip, I spun on my heels and fled the room as fast as I could. They said I’d have to get used to it, since I’d be changing in rooms with male models and male staff members, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t want to be seen naked or in my underwear by strangers, and I didn’t care if they thought I was a prude. I wanted to be true to myself, no matter what they thought.”

  She brought her hand up to his cheek and cupped it. “Tammy’s a sensible girl, Sean. She knows right from wrong. Even though she’s only sixteen, she’s much more mature than plenty of teenagers I know. Give her some credit; I know she won’t disappoint us.”

  “What if the pull of this enticing world is too strong? What if she turns her back on us, Alyssa? Have you even considered that maybe she won’t mind, as long as she can get the job of her dreams?”

  His eyes were pained and guilt pierced her heart. She hadn’t thought of that option, if she had to be honest with herself. She had been sure that Tammy wouldn’t accept compromises, but what if she’d been wrong? Would she be able to forgive herself if Tammy decided to leave her family and become a model because of her?

  “I’m confident Tammy won’t let the sparkle fool her. I know all this doesn’t make sense to you, but trust me, Sean: this is the only way that will work to make her forget this world once and for all. There’s nothing like smacking into reality face-first to clear your head—and I’m talking from experience here.”

  Sean closed his eyes as Alyssa brushed his cheek gently, and when he opened them again, a little of the usual light had come back. Maybe he’d understood her good intentions behind this little subterfuge and hopefully he wouldn’t be mad at her; she hated seeing that hard look in his eyes.

  “I hope you’re right, Alyssa. I truly hope you’re right, because they’d have to walk over my dead body to take her from us. She’s my little sister. I can’t let her throw away her life in a world like this. Did you see the girls up there? You could count their ribs under the scraps of clothes.” He shook his head, and she thought he was on the verge of tears. “I couldn’t bear to see my little Tammy like that.”

  Alyssa’s heart broke and swelled at the same time; it was breaking because of the pain etched in the lines on his face, and it swelled at the depth and strength of his love for his sister.

  Sean had a tough and strong temperament, there was no denying, but she’d discovered it wasn’t always a bad thing. When he loved, his feelings were just as strong and deep as his stubbornness. She felt it every time he looked at her, kissed her, hugged her; he loved hard and strong.

  Tammy came out of the curtains at that precise moment, and Alyssa let out a breath of relief when she saw the troubled look on her face. Her plan had worked.

  Sean took a step toward her and put both hands on Tammy’s shoulders.

  “What happened in there, Tammy?”

  She shook her head and tears veiled her eyes. Alyssa was glad she’d been right, although it hurt her to see Tammy so shaken. She’d always known Tammy would be a fish out of water in that world, but until Tammy saw it with her own eyes she would never change her mind or let someone convince her otherwise. She was sorry she’d had to hurt her in order for her to understand, but it was the only way she knew would work.

  “Sean, why don’t you go to the bar and get her a bottle of soda?” Alyssa asked, placing a hand on his forearm. Sean shook his head.

  “I want to know what’s wrong.” He frowned, squeezing his sister’s shoulders a little. Tammy’s bottom lip trembled as the first tear rolled down her cheeks.

  “Go get her a soda, Sean. Please,” Alyssa said more firmly.

  He whipped his head and stared at her with a scowl. When their eyes met, she smiled and nodded at him. Tammy would never admit in front of his brother, who’d always been against the fashion world and her becoming a part of it, that he’d been right. Alyssa had always been on her side, and she was sure Tammy would open up with her.

  “Please,” she repeated, a little more gently this time, her eyes still locked with his.

  He finally let go of Tammy’s shoulders and nodded, gave Tammy one last worried look and turned on his heels.

  When they were alone, Alyssa put an arm around Tammy’s shoulder and led her toward a leather bench in a quiet spot. Tammy plopped down as if all energy had left her body in a puff, and stared at her clasped hands while tears streamed down her cheeks.

  “I think I know what happened in there. That’s the reason I brought you here, because I wanted you to see the good and the bad sides of it all,” Alyssa said, since Tammy didn’t seem willing to talk first. Tammy let out a sigh and sniffled. “I’m sorry; I know it hurts, but I thought it would be better for you to see this firsthand before deciding if it was something you’d be ready to face.”

  “I thought it was cool, that I was doing well, until they asked me to strip down to my underwear and bra. I thought of what my mom would say, of what Sean would think of me and I… I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I know it’s silly, I mean, I’m sure they’re used to seeing half-naked girls, but it was too embarrassing, so I… I just ran away like a stupid country girl. Everyone was right: I don’t stand a chance in this world.”

  Tammy hid her face in her hands and sobbed. Alyssa knew just too well what it was like to let go of a dream; she’d cried for weeks when her mother had forbidden her to attend veterinary college and had enrolled her to Yale against her will. She hadn’t come to terms with it yet, but Tammy was a smart young woman, and there were so many other things she could do. The fashion world was too tough and definitely too mean for a sweet girl like her.

  “No, they weren’t. You can do anything, if you really want to. What I’m trying to make you see is that you’re too good for this. You saw what goes on behind the curtains: do you really want to put aside all the good principles your family taught you and turn your back on the person you are just for a few years of limelight?” Alyssa took Tammy’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “Because that’s just as long as it lasts: a few years. Just until they get bored and decide to look for so
meone else, someone newer and younger, someone who’s willing to play by their rules.”

  “I thought it was what I wanted. I mean, I love nice clothes and stuff, and I thought it would be great if I could make a living out of it, but…” Tammy sniffled again and wiped her cheek with the back of her hand. Alyssa handed her a tissue and she blew her nose. “Now I know I wouldn’t last a day. I could never be someone I’m not. I love my family, and I don’t want to hurt them.”

  Alyssa nodded and gave Tammy’s hand a gentle squeeze. “Just because my career is in a totally different world doesn’t mean I can’t love nice clothes and accessories too. Know what I mean?” Tammy nodded. “You’re so young and smart; yes, you are beautiful and you would make a striking model, but would that really make you happy? There’s a whole world out there for you, Tammy; don’t rush into something just because it glitters. Gold and diamonds don’t always mean happiness. You can still have a wonderful job in some other field and have nice clothes at the same time. Your love for fashion doesn’t have to change, you know?”

  Tammy gave her a weak smile. “Thank you, Alyssa. Thank you for bringing me here and opening my eyes.” She sniffled and wiped her cheek with the back of her hand. “It hurt badly, but now I know I can finally move on and really think about my future. Actually, you know what? When I was little I always said I’d be a vet when I grew up; then the whole fashion thing came up and I forgot what my real dream had always been. Maybe all this happened so I could go back to my initial plan, you know, call it fate, karma, or whatever it is.”

  Alyssa’s throat constricted, although she couldn’t pinpoint the reason for it. Tammy smiled.

  “I’ll be the most glamorous and trendy vet in the state of Wyoming.”

  “Yes, I think you will.” Alyssa laughed and stood up. “Now, let’s go find Sean. I’m afraid he got lost somewhere in the lobby.”

  Tammy giggled, and as they both turned back, they saw Sean standing only a few feet away from them, holding a bottle of Coke. The frown had left his face and he smiled as his eyes met Alyssa’s.

  Tammy took two steps and wrapped her arms around her brother, who hugged her back.

  “I’m sorry I drove you crazy for all those years, Sean,” she said, her voice muffled by his coat. “And I’m sorry I made you worry with my outburst. I’m fine now, and I promise I won’t ever annoy you with all that nonsense about fashion again.”

  Sean let out a chuckle and pushed back a little to stare at his sister.

  “It’s okay, Tammy. I just want you to be happy, and if talking non-stop about some bags or shoes makes you happy, I’ll endure it.”

  Tammy laughed, and Alyssa knew the worst was behind now; she’d be okay soon.

  “Although, I guess it would make more sense for you to talk with Alyssa about it, since you know I can’t really tell a Prada from a Gucci…”

  “Well, at least you got the names right. That’s a great improvement, Sean.”

  They all laughed, and as Alyssa stepped closer to Sean, Tammy moved aside to let Alyssa take her place. Sean wrapped his arm around Alyssa’s shoulder and pulled her into his chest, whispering a quiet “thank you” in her ear, before placing a soft kiss on her temple.

  “Let’s go to my place; we can order some food and make plans for tomorrow,” Alyssa said, leading them outside.

  Tammy clapped her hands excitedly, and after they stepped into the taxi, Sean took Alyssa’s hand in his and didn’t let go until they reached her apartment.

  Chapter 39

  They had dinner on the couch and Alyssa insisted they watch Singing In The Rain, so Sean would know what she’d been talking about that day in the woods. When the chorus started, both Tammy and Alyssa sang along, making Sean laugh out loud. She loved hearing him laugh like that, so careless and happy, without the weight of responsibility.

  Having people over for dinner and a movie was something Alyssa wasn’t used to; she’d never invited any of her friends or colleagues to dinner or for a girls’ night in. Being here with Sean and Tammy felt cozy and familiar—it felt just right.

  When the end credits rolled on the screen, Alyssa started gathering the leftovers and trash, and noticed Tammy had fallen asleep. Sean stood up to help her and smiled when he looked at his sister.

  The loving stare he gave Tammy filled Alyssa’s heart with pride. She wasn’t used to being surrounded by loving men; most of the men she knew in the social circle she’d found herself in were too career-oriented to care about anything else. Sean was special.

  “She was wrecked,” Sean said, walking into the kitchen. “Too much excitement in one day.”

  “Let her rest, so we can have a little time for ourselves.” Alyssa smiled and reached out for his hands, pulling him close. Sean let go of her hands and encircled her waist, pulling her flush to him. He rested his chin on the top of her head and let out a sigh of contentment.

  “I’ve missed you, Alyssa. I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered. She giggled, her face buried in his shirt. “Hey, ya laughin’ at me?”

  Sean pulled back and scowled. She grinned in response.

  “I’m laughing at the way you’ve changed; you were a rough, grumpy cowboy when I met you and now you’re a cutie.”

  “Want me to go back to being grumpy, then? I sure can do that.”

  She shook her head. “No way!” Sean let out a chuckle and she took his face in her hands. “I love this soft, love-struck puppy.”

  “I don’t really like being called a love-struck puppy, but if that makes you happy…”

  She stood on her tiptoes and brushed his lips with hers. Upon contact, Sean pulled her up and she looped her arms around his neck for support while he deepened the kiss and carried her toward the kitchen counter. He put her on top of it and she let go for just a moment, the time it took to wrap her legs around his waist and pull him closer.

  He smirked, then claimed her lips again, his thumbs brushing her cheeks lovingly. The rough skin tickled her face but she didn’t mind; she’d never felt as good as she had when Sean stroked her. She’d never want anyone else’s touch.

  “How long do you think Tammy will be asleep?” she asked when they came up for air. He pulled slightly back, and raised an eyebrow questioningly. “Just wondering if I’d have time to show you my bedroom…”

  Sean grinned. “She’s not a light sleeper, and I suppose if we’re very quiet she won’t wake up for a while.”

  “I can be quiet,” she said in a low, sexy voice. Sean laughed, and scooped her up from the counter.

  “Direct the way, City Girl.”

  She nodded back toward the corridor. “First door on the right.”

  Sean stopped to check Tammy was still asleep. The soft snoring proved she wasn’t going to wake up anytime soon, so he walked toward the bedroom and let Alyssa close the door behind them.

  He gently lowered her onto the mattress and she pulled him down too, making him tumble upon her. They stifled the laughs and stared at each other for a long moment, neither of them wanting to make the first move, both too intent in memorizing each other’s features after being apart for too long.

  “Now, this is a first.” Sean smirked. Alyssa arched an eyebrow and he smiled, while gently stroking her hair. “You and me in a bed. We did it on the floor and in the barn, but never in a bed.”

  Alyssa giggled quietly. “I think the bed is overrated. The barn and the log cabin were much more romantic, wilder and way more exciting.”

  “Wilder?” He quirked an eyebrow. “Now that’s an interesting choice of words, City Girl. Didn’t take you for a wild girl.”

  “Test me.” She tried using the sexiest tone she could muster, and she knew it had worked when his face cracked into a naughty smile.

  “Well, if you insist…”

  He lowered his weight onto her and propped himself on his elbows. His hands were on either side of her face, stroking her hair, while he stared into her eyes.

  “I love you, Cowboy,” Alyssa said, brea
king the silence.

  Sean smiled. “I love you, too.”

  He dipped his head and his kiss showed just how true his words were.

  Tammy was wide awake and watching TV when they walked back into the living room. Sean froze, and Alyssa stopped short, only a step away from bumping into his back.

  “Hey guys,” Tammy said nonchalantly, without looking away from the screen. Sean shifted his weight to his right foot and tucked his hands in his pockets.

  “Um… We… We were just… um…”

  Tammy giggled and looked at her brother with a raised eyebrow. “There’s no need to make up excuses, Sean. I can guess what you were doing. I already had the birds-and-bees talk, I know how these things work. And as much as I love you, I’m not going to have a sex talk with you.”

  Sean gasped and Alyssa couldn’t help laughing at the way his cheeks and neck flushed; so much for the rough cowboy who didn’t fear a thing. A cheeky comment from his little sister and he was at a loss for words.

  “What do you mean, you know how these things work?” His tone changed when Tammy’s words sank in. He was back to protective big brother mode.

  Tammy rolled her eyes and looked back to the TV. “Sean, we’re not in the eighties anymore. Some of my school friends have boyfriends, and girls talk with one another, you know.”

  Sean’s face went pale and Alyssa linked her arm through his, pulling him close to her. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek softly. She felt the hard muscles in his arm relax, and it was enough to shake him out of whatever thought he’d been lost in.

  “That doesn’t mean I did anything of the sort, but I’m not five anymore. And I surely don’t expect you guys to wait until you’re married, you know. I won’t go blabbing to Mom and Dad about what you two were doing while I was asleep, don’t worry.”

  Alyssa laughed out loud, squeezing Sean’s arm a little tighter.

  “Thank you, Tammy. I appreciate your tact,” she said with a wink that Tammy returned. “How about a cup of tea before I call a taxi to take you back to the hotel? Or maybe hot chocolate?”