Hold on to Love Read online

  Chapter 24

  Alyssa was glad there was another room where she could get changed. From the outside the cabin had looked really small, and getting out of her clothes with him standing only a few feet away would have been not hot at all.

  She was glad he had left the room to look for clothes a few minutes before; the atmosphere had suddenly become too cozy and she had felt the walls closing in on her while her legs had turned to jelly. She wasn’t sure she would’ve been able to control her actions if he’d stayed a moment longer.

  While Sean had been in the other room she’d looked around, focusing on trivial things that would help slow down her wild heartbeat. She couldn’t help loving the place. It was really small and there was barely room to move around, but it looked lovely. What could be considered the kitchen included a small old-fashioned stove, the kind she’d only seen in Western movies, a pine table with four wooden chairs, and a couple of cabinets. A couch was positioned in front of the fireplace—at least, she guessed it was a couch, since a plaid blanket had covered it, and she could only make out its shape. The fireplace was made of red bricks and there were a couple of picture frames on the mantelpiece.

  She loved the place but it was way too cozy for the state of mind she was in after the thoughts that had overcome her while they were out there fishing.

  She closed the door of the tiny bathroom and leaned with her back against it for a moment, trying to get a grip. This was leading to nothing good; she was here on vacation, and she’d be gone in two days. Forty-eight hours and Sean would be but a distant memory—she couldn’t let her hormones rule her actions.

  She shivered, remembering she was still in her wet clothes, so she put Sean’s clothes on the edge of the tin tub and stripped out of her jeans and sweater.

  After a few attempts of making the trousers fit without falling down with each step she took, she decided to give up. The hoodie of his tracksuit was big enough to act like a makeshift dress.

  The feeling of dry fabric on her cold skin gave her goose bumps. Or maybe it was because the tracksuit was Sean’s, and she was pretty sure she could smell his scent on it.

  She shook her head, fighting the thoughts away, and pulled up her soaking hair in a loose knot on her nape. Then she picked up all of her clothes and walked back into the other room via a short corridor, where the only piece of furniture was an old wooden closet.

  When she walked back into the room Sean was standing by the fire, his sweatshirt hanging on a chair beside him. She froze in place, mesmerized by the image. Although she’d always known he had a muscular body, the sight of his bare chest sent a chill down her spine and she almost dropped the clothes she was holding. Something stirred inside her, low in her belly; if he didn’t put his top on, she’d probably have a heart attack on the spot.

  Sean turned and smiled at her, making her feel self-conscious. He was so sexy she was sure she’d start drooling if she didn’t stop staring at him.

  “I take it the trousers were too baggy?” he asked, the corner of his lips lifting up in a smile. She nodded, avoiding eye contact. “Come stand by the fire. You must be cold after getting soaked.”

  It only took her two steps to reach him, and she wished the room were bigger. When she handed him the trousers their fingers brushed, sending a chill down her spine. It was definitely becoming too much to bear, and she couldn’t think straight with him standing bare-chested in front of her. She found it hard to breathe, and she wasn’t sure she’d be able to keep her cool.

  “Fancy some coffee? I’m afraid I can’t offer you anything better than instant; I don’t have a proper coffee machine here but I can put some water to boil on the fire and make us a cup the old way, to warm us up.”

  “I’d love some. Thank you.” She would drink anything at this moment, as long as it provided a reason for him to move away from her. She didn’t like this situation, and she prayed for the rain to stop as soon as possible so they could go back to the ranch.

  He turned back and opened a small cupboard, took out a tin box and a hanging pot that he filled with water, and when he came back, she took a step to her right, giving him access to the fire and putting more distance between them. She didn’t even dare to look up at him, and kept staring at the flames crackling in the hearth.

  “You’re the first one outside my family to come here. I guess I’ll have to kill you afterward,” Sean said, hanging the pot on a hook inside the fireplace, the way she had seen people do in old Western movies.

  Alyssa chuckled and stretched out her arms to warm her hands. She was shivering, but she was sure it had nothing to do with the cold or the rain.

  “Well, at least I’ve ticked a few good things off my list; I can die peacefully now.”

  He laughed and shifted his weight from one foot to the other, which made her instinctively move a few inches away. He was so big now that they were so close; she felt tiny next to him, even though she was only a few inches shorter. His breath brushed on her face—this was becoming too dangerous.

  “We used to come here a lot when we were little. We used it as our private summer resort,” Sean said, feeling the need for some small-talk while he was waiting for the water to boil. When she’d come back into the room wearing only his tracksuit top, his breath had caught in his throat. It all looked too intimate, and when their fingers had brushed when she’d handed him his pants he’d felt a jolt of electricity run from his hand down to his toes. He’d never felt anything remotely close to that—not even when he’d gotten that weak electrical shock after trying to fix the television cable that didn’t work.

  Things were spinning out of control, so he thought steering the conversation to something neutral would be a good thing—might help cool his hormones down before he did something he’d regret later. Would he, though?

  “My brothers and I used to stay in sleeping bags, and pretend we were camping. It was great fun at the time, although I know it might sound silly to someone like you.”

  Alyssa rolled her eyes. “Someone like me? Please, Sean, don’t go there again.”

  Sean shrugged and slumped down on the couch, resting his elbows on his knees. The more distance he put between them, the safer things would be.

  “Whatever. I’m sure you were used to going to five-star resorts, with white beaches and swimming pools… Isn’t that what rich people do?”

  She let out a heavy sigh, shaking her head, and slumped down on the couch next to him. Great; his attempt at keeping a safe distance had miserably failed, but hopefully they would soon start fighting again. He’d made that remark just because he wanted to annoy her, and a fight would definitely kill the building sexual tension that was filling up the room, making him feel as if he could choke.

  “Yes, we used to visit lots of five-star resorts with my family. We went to Florida, Cuba, the Bahamas, we even went to Brazil once. If you ask me though, I’d rather have slept in sleeping bags, in a log cabin in the woods.”

  Sean chuckled. She was so cute when she proved him wrong. “Yeah, I’m sure you would. You’ve turned out to be a totally different person than I thought you were. You’ve been quite a surprise, City Girl.”

  Alyssa laughed and pulled her legs up, hugging her knees in a sort of defensive way. His tracksuit was so big on her that she managed to hide her legs underneath it, but he’d managed to get a quick glimpse of her naked thigh as she did so, and his stomach twisted in knots. Red alert sirens went off in his head.

  “I guess I have. If my mother had seen me dancing in the rain, she would’ve probably had a heart attack.” She let out a sad chuckle, shaking her head. “I’ve never felt better in my life than I have in the past three weeks. I’ve felt free, careless, and truly, undeniably happy. I’m not looking forward to going home, if I have to tell you the truth.”

  Neither am I, he thought, squeezing his eyes shut for a second, fighting the feeling. When he dared to look at her, he noticed her shoulders had drooped and she was staring blankly at the fire. His heart br
oke a little seeing her vulnerability.

  “You’ll be all right. I’m sure once you’re back to your old life, with all the fancy restaurants and boutiques, you’ll forget this soon enough. You’re not leaving much behind, trust me. Just a few cows and some fields.”

  “Well, I guess you’ll never understand my point of view.” She took a deep breath and when she let it out, she turned to look at him with sad, puppy eyes. It was only then he realized how close they actually were, and Sean felt the urge to hug her, to wrap his arm around her shoulder and pull her close to his chest. She seemed so sad and defenseless, and he wished he could do something to make her happy, to protect her from disappointment and hurt.

  It was a ridiculous thought. She didn’t need to be protected by a countryman, who barely earned a living in his family business and who would only be able to afford to buy her dinner at a cheap diner in town. Back in New York she surely had men who took care of her, who could afford to take her out to dinner in fancy restaurants, who could buy her expensive gifts, and who could make her happy. She didn’t need him to worry about her; she was probably only being a bit melancholic now her vacation was almost over.

  Even against his better judgment, he wished so badly she would say she needed him to protect her, to help her, to comfort her. He wished she would say she had fallen in love with him and that she wouldn’t go back to New York, because she wanted to stay here. That wasn’t likely to happen, though; he felt stupid for even just thinking about it.

  Their eyes locked for a moment and she shivered. He took the blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it around her out of instinct, in the same way he used to wrap it around Tammy when she was little. He didn’t even stop to think how intimate that simple gesture would look to her. When he looked up, her face was only a few inches away and, before he could do or say anything, her lips were on his, in a shy and almost innocent kiss.

  His first reaction was shock—pure, simple shock. The kiss had been nothing more than a peck, he hadn’t even had the time to taste her on his lips, but even so his body was on fire. His brain took over his hormones and prompted him to stand up and move away before this got any worse, but he couldn’t make himself do it—his limbs just wouldn’t respond, as if his mind had been totally disconnected from the rest of his body. No matter how loud the voice inside his head was screaming to move away from her, he just couldn’t.

  It didn’t matter how much he’d tried to convince himself since the night in the barn that what he was feeling could potentially ruin him and his family; all day he’d felt a connection with her, and now that she’d kissed him he was sure she felt it too. He’d told himself he’d never make the first move, but since she’d been the one to kiss him first, she probably wouldn’t mind being kissed back.

  The inner war lasted only a couple of seconds and, before she could stand up and move away, he took her face in his hands and kissed her back in the most passionate way he had ever kissed anyone. He loved this beautiful, smart, and funny city girl; he loved her more than he would ever have thought possible, and if this were his only chance to prove it, then he’d make sure she would never forget it.

  Chapter 25

  Alyssa was still shocked at her unexpected boldness, and already racking her brain for the best way to crawl out of the embarrassing situation when Sean took her face in his hands and kissed her, making her whole body tingle.

  At first she wondered whether he was only taking advantage of the situation, of them being alone and far away from everyone else, or if he was kissing her because it was something he had wanted to do for days, like she had. Once his lips connected with hers, though, she realized she didn’t really care why he was doing it, as long as he never stopped.

  A voice inside her reminded her she would be leaving in two days, that she lived on the other side of the country, and that her family would never approve, but she shoved away the thoughts. She had wanted Sean to kiss her like that for days, and now that his lips were pressing on hers, his thumbs stroking her cheeks gently, she knew nothing else mattered.

  She didn’t know what was going to happen tomorrow, but right now she didn’t care. If this was all she would get, then she would enjoy every single minute without a hint of remorse. She wrapped her hands around his neck, and finally gave in to his kiss.

  She disconnected her brain, and decided to stop thinking about the consequences. She loved Sean and she didn’t care what her mother would say or think; her mother had forced her to go out with Julian, and it had been the worst night of her life. It was her life, and all she wanted was for Sean to keep kissing her like that, to make her feel special and loved.

  The kiss grew more urgent within seconds. Sean’s thumbs stroked her cheeks, and she kept her hand firmly on the back of his neck, as if to make sure he wouldn’t pull back. His lips were strong and soft at the same time, and his teeth teased her bottom lip, eliciting a moan from deep down in her throat.

  She’d never been kissed like that before; not that she’d kissed that many guys, but none of the well-dressed, clean-shaven, wealthy guys she’d dated in the past had ever cherished her mouth with such devotion, making her feel as if she’d run out of air once their lips tore apart.

  The heat built at a steady, strong pace. She had no idea how long they’d been kissing—for all she knew it could’ve been hours or days, but she didn’t care so long as his lips never left hers.

  When she reluctantly broke their kiss, gasping for air, Sean stiffened and his face contorted as if he’d finally realized what had happened.

  He pulled away from her, and his walls slammed back up.

  “I’m sorry, I… I don’t know what got into me. I shouldn’t—”

  “Don’t.” She cut him off, all of a sudden feeling like a fool. She couldn’t believe she’d been the only one to enjoy it—she’d felt the passion in his kiss; she hadn’t dreamed it, had she? “Don’t apologize. You’ll make me feel awful for starting it. I… I swear I’ve never done something so bold before, but it seems country life is bringing out a side of me I didn’t know.”

  Sean chuckled and scratched the back of his neck, but still didn’t look at her. “Seriously, I don’t go around kissing guests. I just… I got a little carried away, but I swear it won’t happen again. I’m sorry. It was totally out of place.”

  “But what if I wanted for it to happen again?” Alyssa asked, ignoring his apology. She couldn’t believe that he was really sorry about it, not after the passionate way he’d kissed her back after she’d barely pecked his lips.

  She needed to feel those luscious lips on hers again; it didn’t matter if she would sound too eager, and he’d think she went around throwing herself at men. She’d be on her way home in a little more than a day: what had she got to lose?

  Sean’s eyebrows shot up at her words, and he finally looked at her.

  “You’re sorry, but I’m not,” she continued, since he didn’t look as if he were going to say a word. She thought she saw a twinkle in his eyes, and she decided to finally lay out all her cards. It was now or never.

  She knew she’d already fallen deep inside the pool of love—she might as well drown and get it over with.

  “I’ve wanted for you to kiss me since that stargazing night in the barn. Don’t tell me you didn’t feel the chemistry, Sean, because after the way you’ve just kissed me I’m not sure I’d believe you.”

  “You’re a guest,” he said, looking away and into the fire.

  “I’m a woman, too,” she said, matter-of-factly, reaching for his hand. “And I’ve never felt better than at this very moment with you. I feel it, Sean, and I know you feel it too. We’ve got something going on, something I’d like very much to explore.”

  She blushed, and let go of his hand. What was happening to her? She’d never been so straightforward with a guy before, and definitely not with someone she barely knew. But with Sean everything was different, she was different when she was alone with him—she was real. In a way, Sean al
ready knew her better than anyone else.

  At that very moment, she was sure he’d love her for real, if she let him.

  “Do you think I don’t feel it?” he asked, his voice low and gravelly. Something tingled low in her belly. “If I could let you take a trip inside my mind now, I’m sure you’d realize I am feeling it. I just don’t want to take advantage of the situation—of you. I’m not that kind of man. I don’t want you to think I do this with all the attractive guests.”

  “So you do find me attractive, then,” she said with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. Sean chuckled.

  “I’d like to show you just how much, if only it weren’t so inappropriate.”

  Alyssa slid a little closer to him. Their thighs touched and even through his jeans, she could feel the strong, taut muscles of his legs on her bare skin. She wondered what it would be like to actually feel his skin on hers. She needed to know, no matter what his plans were.

  “Let’s say I wouldn’t find it inappropriate; let’s say I’d actually be happy and recommend your ranch on Tripadvisor. Would you kiss me like that again?”

  Sean laughed out loud this time, and she leaned in closer to his face, stopping only a few inches from his lips.

  “There’s only so much a man can take, Alyssa,” he said, his voice close to a growl. He was just about to cave; she could see it in his eyes.

  “And how much is that?” she asked in a sexy tone. He rolled his eyes, and scrubbed his hand over his face, clearly fighting for control.

  “Not much, if you don’t back off now.” His voice sounded desperate, as if it would only take one more word from her for him to break down. So, she’d assessed that he wasn’t going to take advantage of her, and he wanted to act like a gentleman, which was just another wonderful thing about him—but if she was consenting then he wouldn’t technically be taking advantage of her, would he?